For Every Action, Part 14

The old dial phone in the central hallway of the Tendo
household rang with a tone that Nabiki always found
particularly irritating.  She cut it off in mid-shriek.

"Hello? Nabiki...san?"

Nabiki smirked at the sound of her sister's newly
acquired masculine voice and answered, "Hello, Kaneda,
how's the date going?"

"It isn't.  Like I said, she isn't my type.  Listen,
is Ranma there?"

"Sorry, Kaneda, he's out."

"Where is that baka?!"

"Wouldn't know.  You know, the way you ask, a girl might
almost think that _Ranma_ was your type.  He isn't, is
he?"

"NO!  I just...need his help with something."

"He's probably out visiting one of his girlfriends
since Akane seems to have run off on him.  You haven't
seen her, have you?"  Nabiki waited patiently for a
response that seemed slow in coming.

Akane forced herself to unclench her jaw enough to say,
"I'm sure she'll be home soon."

"Say," Nabiki purred, "there isn't some problem _I_ could
help you with, is there?  Normally I don't do favours for
free, but in ...your... case, I'd consider making an
exception..."  Her voice trailed off enticingly as her
shoulders shook with silent laughter.

On the other end of the phone line Akane could feel her
ears burning with embarassment.  Her boy's voice squeaked
embarassingly as she stammered, "Uh...oh...no thanks
Nabiki-san.  That's all right, I'll uh...  Nice talking
to you."

"Nice talking to you, as well.  You're sure that there
isn't..."  Nabiki gave a little gasp ala Marilyn Monroe,
"...anything I can do for you?"  A click and a dial tone
was her only answer.  She grinned widely.

"Nabiki?" Kasumi emerged from the kitchen, stripping off
her rubber gloves.  "Who was that on the phone?"

"Oh, it was that Kaneda guy looking for Ranma,"  Nabiki
answered casually.  Really, Akane was probably right to
keep what had happened to her from Kasumi and their
father.  They probably couldn't handle it.  But trying to
trick Nabiki Tendo?  Akane was lucky to be let off so
easily.

"Nabiki..."  Kasumi hesitated.  "Have you noticed how...
muscular that boy is?"

"Yes, I guess he's in pretty good shape."  Nabiki conceded.
"He does a lot of martial arts, I understand.  Gives him
something in common with Ranma."

"And how good his manners are?"

"Uh-hunh."

"He has a really nice smile, don't you think?"

"Uh..."  Nabiki was beginning to feel really
uncomfortable with this conversation.

"And doesn't he have the most perfect...lower end?"

"Ak!" The middle Tendo sister prided herself on never
panicking, but the idea of her older sister, almost her
mother, lusting after her little sister in disguise was
just about the scariest thought she'd ever had.

"He doesn't seem terribly happy with that Chinese girl,
does he?  Perhaps he's looking for something else in a
girlfriend," Kasumi mused aloud.  "Do you suppose he's
mature enough to be interested in a slightly older girl?"

Nabiki found herself sweating.  There was no way she'd
let Kasumi humiliate herself this way.  "No!  I mean...
he's way too immature for you, he's almost as immature
as Ranma, and I think he has a violent streak..."

"Goodness, you seem almost upset," Kasumi observed.
"You aren't interested in him, yourself, are you?"

There was a pause, and then Nabiki muttered, "You could
say I feel close to him."  She wasn't blushing.  She
wasn't going to blush.

"Well I certainly won't try to get in the way of you and
happiness," Kasumi assured her with a blissful smile and
returned to the kitchen.

Nabiki let her breath out with a sigh, then smirked a
little at herself.  Imagine  getting caught that way, but of
course it wasn't likely to go any further.
Protecting Kasumi from heartbreak was worth a minute's
embarassment.  At least she knew what was going on so
there was no chance this situation would get any more
difficult.

Kasumi put the gloves away and went out to the Dojo
where her father was practising.  She quietly called out,
"Father?"

Soun said, "Yes, Kasumi?" without pausing as he kicked
his imaginary opponent.

"I think that Nabiki is falling in love."

"Really?!"  Well-practised tear ducts began to warm up
in preparation for action.

Akane watched from hiding as Ranma strutted cockily down
the street.  Fine for him.  He was cured, and obviously
he liked that just fine, no matter what the "cure" meant
for her.  She growled deep in her throat and reached out
to grab him and pull him into the alley.  He pivoted and
lashed out, too fast for her to block.

Fortunately Ranma remembered who the boy
with a distinct resemblance to Soun Tendo was in time.
The back of his hand stopped an inch away from Akane's nose.

"Geez, Akane, don't do that!  I coulda hurt you," he
complained.

She looked around warily.  "Don't call me that.  Somebody
might hear you."

"Getting paranoid or what?"  As she glared at him Ranma
shrugged.  "So, how'd the date go anyway?"

"Well, it was pretty uncomfortable, but at least _I_ managed
to get rid of _my_ unwanted fiancee."

"Really?  How'd you do it?"

"I just convinced her that I had someone else."

"So how'd she like that?"

Akane looked down at the pavement silently.

"It ain't that easy, is it?  She'll probably come after me,
now.  After all 'obstacles are for killing', right?"

"Oh I'm sure she's given up on me.  She was pretty upset.
Besides, I didn't tell her about you...how could I?  She
thinks Kodachi's the girl I...er..."

Ranma stared at her, and then slowly asked, "Why Kodachi?
Was she around?"

"Yes..."

"She heard you?  And you think your fiancee problems are
solved now?  What kind of dream are you living in?"

"I don't want to hear it, all right?" Akane snapped.  "Look,
I want to go home.  Can you go get me some hot water and
clothes?"

"Sure thing.  I'll be right back."   Ranma sauntered toward
the house, leaving Akane glaring at his back.  She was
developing a killer headache, and really felt like breaking
something.

Ranma was taking off his shoes when Kasumi called his
name.  He answered, "Yeah, it's me."

She appeared in the hallway, smiling as usual.  Ranma
took a second look.  Not quite as usual, actually.  There
was something about the way she was smiling...

"Ranma, Father would like to talk to you."

"Okay.  Just let me take care of something first."

"Ah, he's waiting for you now.  It's about something
important."

Oh no.  That klutz had given herself away somehow,
and now old man Tendo was going to kill him.  He took
another look at Kasumi's smile.  Surely she wouldn't be
smiling if he was about to die...would she?
He mustered his courage and answered, "Sure thing."

His first look at Soun Tendo didn't give much of a clue.
Tendo was in "great stone-face" mode, the poker face with
which he always made announcements if they weren't spur of
the moment decisions.  "Ranma," he began.  "I'm sure you
realise that I'm not a father who casually interferes in
the lives of his children."

"Whaddayamean?  You interfere in Akane's life all the
time!" Ranma protested, instantly regretting it as his
presumptive father-in-law glared at him.

"That isn't casual!  And if you were more reasonable--,"
Tendo cut himself short and continued, "But that isn't
what I want to discuss.  Ranma, I have reason to believe
that my daughter has fallen in love."

"What?  When did Akane have time to fall in love?"

"I'm not talking about Akane."

"Hey, that's great, Kasumi.  Who's the lucky guy?"

"I'm not talking about Kasumi either!"  Soun was
beginning to turn red with frustration.

"Um...doesn't that pretty much exhaust the alternatives?"

"I have THREE daughters, idiot!  Three!"

"Well yeah, but Nabiki's not real likely to fall for
anyone, is she?" Ranma pointed out.

"She HAS fallen for someone!"

"Oh yeah, sure.  What's really up?"

"It's true," Kasumi interjected.  "I overheard her
talking and I've never heard her sound so affectionate.
So I asked her whether she was interested in him, and
she even blushed when she admitted it.

"Well, I guess it's nice to know she actually has a
heart, but what's it to me?"

"Ranma, I need your help to give Nabiki a chance at
happiness," Tendo said.  "I worry about her so much, son.
If this doesn't work out, she could be condemned to a life
of isolation and bitterness."  Tears began to well from
his eyes.

"All right, already, whaddaya want from me?" Ranma said
hastily.  Soun Tendo's emotional swings tended to unnerve
him.

The tears subsided with marvellous swiftness,
"I want you to help arrange a date for her."

"You're kidding!  Look, if anyone knows how to go after
and get what she wants, it's Nabiki.  She don't need my
help and she don't want my help."  Ranma crossed his arms
confident, that for once he knew exactly how to avoid getting
into trouble.

Kasumi looked worried as she answered, "Ranma, sometimes
ordinarily clear-headed, clever people lose those qualities
when dealing with matters of the heart.  Fear and longing
can make them behave in uncharacteristic ways."

"I guess," Ranma answered.  "Wouldn't really want to see
Nabiki waltzing with a hatstand anyways.  Still, how'm I
supposed to get a date for her?"

"That's simple enough," Tendo assured him.  "Just ask your
friend to ask her out."

"I wouldn't exactly say Ryoga's my friend..."

A distorted demonic head seemed to loom over Ranma,
snarling, "Don't start that again!  Kaneda!  Tell Kaneda
that Nabiki's interested in him and ask him to try asking
her out on a date!  Understand?"  The projection faded
away restoring Soun Tendo's appearance to normal.

Ranma stared, openmouthed, then stammered, "Ka-Kaneda?
Nabiki's not..."

Kasumi answered serenely, "Yes."

"But, Kaneda's--I mean he's not--He's definitely not
interested in Nabiki that way!"

"Now, don't be so hasty, lad.  He hasn't had a chance to
get to know the real Nabiki," Soun argued.

"Yeah, but..."  Ranma trailed off, trying to find the right
lie.

Kasumi cleared her throat delicately.  "Is it that you don't
consider Nabiki to be good enough company for a friend of
yours?"  She looked at him in inquiry.

Ranma noticed that the wall seemed to be bumping into his
back as he stammered, "No-no, I didn't mean that!  She's
like smart and funny 'n stuff.  There's nothin' wrong with
Nabiki."

"Then I know I can count on you, to do your part.  That's
something I've always respected about you, the way your word
is your bond."  Soun put his arm around Ranma's shoulders.

"Uh...thanks."

"So then, we're set.  Have him come over tomorrow and ask
her out."

Ranma was willing to agree to anything to get out of the room.
Kasumi and Mr. Tendo were starting to creep him out, and Akane was
probably getting madder and madder, out there.  "Uh, sure."
He scampered out of Soun's grasp and upstairs.

Kasumi's smile was as innocent as ever.  After all, it was all in
Nabiki's best interest.

"No!  Never!  Not on your life!"

"You're bein' kinda negative," reproached Ranma as Akane poured the
hot water over "his" head, becoming a girl once again.

"It's perverted!  Totally perverted!  It's just the most
totally...absolutely...utterly-"

Ranma handed Akane's "female" clothes over as he warned,  "You want
your family to hear?  They're right past that wall you know."  He
turned his back so she could change.

Instantly Akane's voice dropped to a fierce whisper.  "-perverted idea
you've ever had!  Worse than when you told Ryoga you loved him and you
wanted to marry him!   My own sister!   And don't you dare peek!"

"Pfeh.  Like I'd-"  Ranma stopped himself, not wanting to get
sidetracked.  " You won't have to actually go out with her you know.
I got a brilliant plan."

"Ranma, you wouldn't know a brilliant plan if one tapdanced in front
you, singing 'brilliant plans are here again' and keeping time with a
hammer on yieeee!"   She bashed reflexively, knocking the small
black-clad form away.

Happosai cheerfully bounced off a wall and landed on his feet as he
commented, "Not bad, not bad.  I think your reflexes are improving,
Akane-chan.  But you forgot something."  He held up the blouse he'd
snatched from her hand.

"Get lost,  freak," Ranma snarled as Akane, red-faced, snatched up the
shirt she'd borrowed from him and quickly slipped it back on.  "Don't
you have nothin' better to do?"

"Surely you don't think that a pretty girl in Nerima can say 'pervert'
three times and not have me hear," the dirty old man boasted.  "Now
tell me, just what was it that you were suggesting to Akane?  Can I
watch?"

"None 'a your business."

"Oh I'm making it my business, boy," Happosai's playful tone turned
cold and demanding as he reached into his bag of swag.  "Tell me what
I want to know, or you'll get...this!"  Dramatically he brandished a
gun.

Ranma snorted.  "Yeah right.  I'm so scared."  He crossed his arms
contemptuously.

Appalled, Akane watched as Happosai leveled the weapon.  She could see
the glint of steely intent in Happosai's eyes.   Her nerve snapped,
and she gave Ranma a hard shove, propelling him face first into a wall
just as Happosai's finger tightened on the trigger...

"Akane? What have I done?" Happosai said in a shocked whisper.  "This
is...horrible.  I never meant...  Ranma!  This is your fault!"  He
shifted his aim and pulled the trigger again and again.

Ranma ignored the squirts of water as he turned on Akane.  "What were
you thinking?  If that had been a real gun you'd be dead, now!"

Akane's tenor voice answered defensively, "Well, excuuuse me for
trying to save your life, Mr. Ungrateful!"

"Didn't you think I knew what I was doing?  Unlike some people, I can
tell the difference between a toy and the real thing."

"It was dark!"

Happosai dropped the water-pistol and began to cry.  "My Ranma-chan,
my Akane-chan...how is this possible?  Who would do such a horrible
thing, depriving an old man of the greatest joys in his life?"

Ranma looked at him for a moment, then answered, "Guy calling himself
"Mizu" switched the curse around."

"Fear not children!  I, Happosai, Grandmaster of the Anything Goes
School of Martial Arts will avenge you and restore the way things
should be."

"Whatever," they both answered in unison as the old pervert's spry
little form leapt off into the darkness.