THE BROTHER'S BASH #2

Before Backlash

Yo yo yo! This is a wrestling column with a twist: it's written by two brothers who love wrestling.

J: Howdy, I'm Jeremy, the older brother.

B: And I'm Benjy, the younger brother.

And the matches for Backlash are:

The Undertaker and Kane face off against HHH and Austin for the titles.
Shane McMahon in Last Man Standing against Big Show.
Regal vs Jericho in Duchess of Queensbury match.
Triple Threat for European with Matt Hardy, Christian, and Eddie Guerrero.
Angle vs Benoit in 30-minute submission match.
Hardcore match between Rhyno & Raven.
X-Factor vs Dudley Boys in six-man tag action.

B: I see Kane take the Intercontinental in a suprise chokeslam early on,
and the Undertaker grabbing the WWF Championship after HHH misses with a chair. Then, in a surprise development,
Team Evil low blows Team Evil to take the tag team titles.

J: What? Exactly who wins what? How can two teams have the same name?

B: Are they not both evil teams?

J: Well, yes, but...

B: Then I rest my case.

J: Moving right along, I see the Big Show decimating Shane O Mac after fifteen chokeslams.

B: Yeah, right. Interference from WCW superstars will give Shane the win, as well as preventing
Vince from helping out the Show.

J: Which WCW superstars?

B: I'm thinking the Radicalz and maybe Hulk Hogan.

J: Well I'm thinking Andre the Giant, returned from the dead to kick some serious Giant-Killer behind!

B: In the submission matchup, Regal will declare himself the ref, and will say Benoit lost even though
he will win with more submissions. A quick crossface to the commish, and Regal will declare Benoit
the winner.

J: I agree in part. However, Benoit will get in 723 submissions, 721 of which will be crossfaces, to Angle's
4 various holds. The guest referee will be former wrestling star Mr. T, who will beat up Paul Heyman
after the match, as Ross calls them both "fools".

B: In the Regal vs Jericho match, Jericho will find a loophole that gives him a lionsault and a pin,
against Regal's best efforts at improvising.

J: Interesting theory. What will actually happen is that Regal will win by DQ after Jericho falls
out of the ring, as in Duchess rules, the ring countout is one second. Regal will also constantly
be shouting that the next match will be held "in his trousers" but no one will listen.

B: So in the European matchup, all the bystanders will confusillate each other, balancing it out in the
end. Matt Hardy will hit a low blow on Christian, followed by a Twist of Fate and a win.

J: Nope, not by a long shot. The winner will be a surprise last minute entry of Farooq, who will clean house.

B: Now in the harcore matchup, E&C will interfere, but will help Rhyno lose, cementing his face turn.

J: I find it interesting that you say that. Earlier in the week, while I was putting bread in the seltzer
aisle, I told myself that the winner would be Raven due to Tazz trying to help out Rhyno, but failing.

B: The Dudleys will take the win after Spike hits an Acid Drop and a missile dropkick on Baldobert.

J: You said it! Baldobert and Mini-Albert will hit simultaneous Baldo-Bombs on each other, shouting
in pain. They will then gang up on X-Pactor, who will run in fear, bumping into Kane, who will rip off his
hair. Hee hee!

B: Just imagine, last week, HHH and SCSA were merrily skipping away from the ring, holding hands
and singing "Tra la la la!" and now they'll have lost.

J: Singing? Ha. I don't think so.

B & J's Lines of the Night:

"Kane's arm may be broken!" (Ross, showing concern for the Big Red Machine)
Why, Ross, I didn't know you cared..

"That damn Rattlesnake!" (Ross, sitting with those Damn Dudleys)
What a turn!

"How can a man not eat bagels?" (Heyman, questioning Blackman's ethics)
You said it, bro!

"Break him in half!" (Ross, about good ol' Austin)
Hmmm.

"Rocky" (For the second column in a row)
Hey, I thought Rock was on vacation uh I mean suspended.

Well, folks, that's our column. Hope you liked it, so long and Happy Passover!
See our column at J Wire's Wrestling