A wishing well, or at least, that's what the sign claimed.  "Wonder
whether Nabiki set this up?"  Ranma mused aloud.  *After all, the
sign doesn't say you'll actually get the wish, just that you get to
make one if you throw a coin in.  That's her kind of honesty.*  He
grinned for a moment and then shrugged and tossed a coin in.  "I
wish...  Man, am I desperate or what?  Even for thinking about doin'
it... I have to be nuts.  And even if it was real, you know it'd turn
out goofy, same as every 'cure' I try.  I'm probably lucky it's a
phoney."  He turned his back, "Wish I knew why it always turns out
wrong."

                               *******

"What's so bad about being a girl!" snarled Akane, fists already
clenched as she glared at Ranma.  As ever, he was dumbstruck at the
idea of explaining how he felt about that or anything.

"Now, that's an interesting question."  Both turned to face the short
man with bright blue eyes.  "Tell me, Tendo Akane, are you interested
in the answer, or are you just picking a fight?"

"Uhm, do I know you?" Akane asked, distracted from the quarrel by her
questioner's appearance from nowhere.

He tossed a 5 yen coin into the air and caught it again.  "No, but I
know a fair bit about you.  I'm actually here to fulfill a wish that
Ranma made last night.  He asked for the answer to a question.  Since
I'm feeling generous, I'll toss in an answer to your question as
well."

Ranma looked puzzled, "I asked a question?"

"Yes, you asked why your cures always seem to go awry..." the little
man paused dramatically until Akane snapped, "WELL!?"  He grinned,
"Just trying to build a little suspense.  The answer is that magic is
a conserved quantity, like mass and energy.  It cannot be created, or
destroyed, only altered and transferred.  Thus, attempts to nullify
your curse conceal it for a time, or twist it into a different curse,
but they all fail because they fail to dispose of that force within
you, fighting it, instead of releasing it."

"Ah man, how'm I supposed to do that?"  Ranma groaned.

"There are some ways, but magic has a way of demanding prices you may
not wish to pay.  Now, Tendo Akane, about the answer to your
question, you accuse Ranma of insensitivity to your feelings, but
what of your insensitivity to his?"  The little man tossed his coin
again, but this time at the apex of it's flight, it flared and
vanished.  His voice became more dramatic in it's tone:

   "Saotome Ranma, I grant you respite from your curse
   Tendo Akane, I give you the gift of comprehension
   For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction
   For every question, there is a matching explanation
   When you grasp the cost and the worth of the gift you receive
   You may accept it or not, as you please."

Water erupted from the ground in a ice cold geyser under their feet,
sending them both sprawling before either recognized a threat.
"AAAH, COLD!  Akane are you-"  Ranma stopped, horrified at the sight
of a muscular boy slightly taller than him, dressed in Akane's school
uniform.  Akane looked back at him for a moment, puzzled by an
expression she'd never seen on his face before.  Then she looked down
and screamed.

"RANMA!  This is all your fault!"

"Ranma this is all your fault!"  Some might say that Akane was being
unfair in not giving any blame to the little man who had actually
transferred a version of Ranma's curse to her, but Akane had a
practical disposition and preferred to blame people who were
available as opposed to those who wisely jump into the canal and
vanish after doing their dirty work.  "If you hadn't made that stupid
wish-!"

"Hey!  I didn't wish for that guy to give you a curse.  He just did
it!"

"But it works out pretty conveniently for you, doesn't it?"

"Oh sure, that's just what I want for a fiancé.  A guy in a dress!"

"..."  Akane stopped, mouth open.  "Wh-what if I'm stuck like this
forever?"

"C'mon Akane, it's gonna work the same way it does for me.  You
changed when you got hit with cold water.  All we have to do is get
some hot water, change you back and get to school.  After school,
we'll track that guy down and make him undo it."  Ranma reached out
to take hold of of... him... then stopped and said, "Let's run to
Doctor Tofu's.  We've still got time before school."

*He doesn't even want to touch me when I'm like this*  Akane quelled
the painful thought and concentrated on sprinting faster than she
ever had ever had before, putting just enough stress on her shoulders
to let her left shoulder seam separate.  *Oh just what I needed to
make the day perfect*  Fortunately, this body didn't seem to cry as
easily as hers.  She really didn't want to start crying in front of
Ranma in male form.  "Umm, Ranma?"

"What?"

"Could you go in and get the water and some needle and thread?"

"We don't have time, we're-"  *Oh yeah.  Akane and Tofu.*  "Right."

As soon as she had reverted to female successfully, Ranma quickly
stitched up her tear, grabbed her and let for the school grounds.

"Saotome, release the fair Akane before you feel my-  What's this
that my keen vision does espy?  Have you dared to damage her apparel
with your lascivious gropings?"  True, this was an unreasonable
conclusion but Kuno had a dirty mind.

"It's not like that at all!" Ranma protested indignantly and
automatically, as he stepped back to avoid the new form leaping
toward the two of them.

"Hello, Ranma, Tendo Akane, nice to see you.  Kuno, you dog, how dare
you betray Nabiki by flirting with her sister!"  Yamazaki Kentaro and
his brother had been the latest entries in Ranma's fiancé sweepstakes
thanks to the usual kind of identity confusion.  Surprisingly to
many, once they were convinced that Ranma was male, they'd both
switched their attentions to wooing Nabiki, with no noticeable
success.  This, however, was a new twist.  Ranma mouthed "Kuno and
Nabiki?" and Akane just gestured her confusion.  They avoided the
developing new argument and headed inside.  Where of course, they
were late.

"I am disappointed to see the two of you reverting to your old
tardiness after your improved performance in the last month.  You
know where the buckets are."

Standing out in the hall, Akane remembered Ranma's first day.  She'd
half jokingly threatened to throw her bucket at him.  It didn't seem
funny at all in retrospect, holding something that with a touch could
turn her into a joke for the whole school.  She shifted her position
slightly and froze as it seemed as if the water sloshed just a little
bit more than it should have.  "Yeah," commented Ranma quietly.
"It's almost like it's alive."  This was going to be a long day...

"So, what's with your brother and Kuno?"  Akane asked Yamazaki
Kouchi in the hall at the start of lunch.  Ranma-chan's other
"fiancé" was a delicate-looking boy whose appearance and rather
feminine mannerisms belied his considerable martial arts skills.
Ranma despised the younger Yamazaki for a variety of reasons, but
Akane rather liked him.

Kouchi looked up from the water fountain he'd stopped at, to reply,
"Oh, Nabiki said something that suggested her affections were already
engaged, so Ken-chan decided to find out with whom.  Apparently she
and Kuno-sempai meet together fairly regularly sooo-"  Kouchi
shrugged daintily.

"But that's just so she can sell him stuff!"  Akane protested.

Kouchi smiled a little, "That's comforting to hear, but who among us
really knows what goes on behind Nabiki's eyes?  It is that mystery
about her that fascinates me.  My brother on the other hand ... why speak
of the devil!  Ken-chan you look-"

"Die, you sneaky underhanded little freak!"  Kentaro braced himself
to attack the smaller boy.  Having been tricked into fighting Kuno
just so Nabiki could manipulate the odds in the school betting pool
with Kouchi's help, Ken's fuse was burning short.

Kouchi rolled his eyes, "You are in SUCH a mood today."  Kouchi was
short on power and stamina but every bit as fast as Ranma.  In a blur
of movement he zipped out of the way and Kentaro's blow struck the
water fountain, sending it exploding apart in a spray of water.

"Now look what you did.  You frightened Akane.  You think that's the
way to impress Nabiki-san?"  Both brothers looked at a pale Akane,
gasping for breath after just managing to scramble out of the blast
zone.

"Please forgive me Tendo-san.  I did not mean to alarm you."

"And I apologize for having a brother who is a jerk."

"Who are you calling a jerk!"

Figuring that a little of the Yamazaki sibling rivalry went a long
way, particularly while water was still spraying, Akane took
advantage of their mutual distraction to leave.

"I'm not going to make it, Ranma," Akane moaned as they ate lunch
outside.  "The day's only half-over, and I haven't been to Home
Economics yet.  Somebody's going to spill something cold on me, I
just know it."

"Relax Akane, I can duck getting wet at school most of the time and
so can you.  Just hold out for a couple of periods, then go home
before Home Ec.  Tell the teacher you ate something you cooked and
she'll excuse you...."  After she hit him she felt better, not just
because of the frustration outlet, but because if he was making jokes
about her cooking, that probably meant he was starting to feel
comfortable around her again.

Two hours later, Akane was in agony.  She'd taken Ranma's advice,
more or less, and headed home early, only to be caught by another of
those instant rain showers that had become so much more common with
Ranma's arrival.  She'd taken the precaution of switching into her
gym shorts and top but her feet were killing her.  They'd almost been
at Doctor Tofu's the first time she'd transformed so she hadn't
noticed much, but the walk back her house had made it painfully
obvious that her feet got larger with the rest of her.  She sat down
to slip off her running shoes then sighed in relief and wiggled her
toes.

Standing, her eyes met Yoiko's, a neighbor and former classmate of
Kasumi's who'd married straight out of high school.  Yoiko had
apparently just come back from shopping, but the look in her eyes and
the direction of her gaze suggested something other than domestic
matters might be occupying her thoughts.  Yoiko blushed, giggled and
scurried past.  *She was checking me out!  That's disgusting!  And
she's a married woman too!*  Akane suddenly felt self conscious
again ... and curious.  She slowly looked down.  A muscular, partly
bare midriff met her gaze, and a pair of shorts that were tight
enough to leave nothing to the imagination.  *I wonder what Ranma
would think if I pointed out that I'm now the better built one.*  A
vivid picture of Ranma crushing her with the living room table popped
into head.  *At least I know how to keep my mouth shut.  I feel like
such a pervert.  I have to get home and change back.*

Kasumi hummed quietly to herself.  She loved her family, and actually
enjoyed observing their frenetic activity from a safe distance, but
she needed moments like these, just alone doing some peaceful
housework, to help stay centered and calm.  Her father was in the
dojo, Mr. Saotome was at his part-time job, and the rest of her
excitable family were still in school.  Done for the moment.  Perhaps
she'd take a little walk before everyone got home.  She opened the
door and looked at the startled young man in front of her.  *Oh my!
I wonder how old he is?*.  Kasumi smiled and said, "Hello, are you
one of Ranma's friends?"  The young man looked surprisingly nervous
as he answered "Uhm, yes, I'm ... Ranma's friend."

Kasumi did her best to make "Kaneda" feel at ease, suppressing all
sign of her disappointment that the tall boy turned out to have been
in the same class as Ranma with practiced skill.  Meanwhile Akane
burned with guilt.  She'd almost never lied to Kasumi, and never
about things that were really important.  She couldn't even figure
why she'd lied this time, except...  Kasumi was such a girl.
Whenever Akane was actively trying to be feminine, Kasumi was her
inspiration.  This was sort of the ultimate failure to be feminine.

Ranma got home after an hour or so, calling "Akane?" as soon as he
got through the door.  "I'm sorry Ranma," Kasumi answered.  Akane
isn't here.  But your friend Kaneda is."

"My friend who?" Ranma caught sight of Akane, winced, and covered,
"Oh right, Kaneda, long time no see buddy.  Lemme show you around
Nerima."  He grabbed "Kaneda" by the arm and just about hauled her
outside.  "What were you doing in there?"

"Kasumi caught me trying to come in and get some hot water and what
is your problem anyway!"

"Well excuse me for worrying about blowin' your secret.  You don't
exactly make a convincing guy you know."

"I do..."  Akane suddenly realized this was an argument she really
didn't want to win.  "I don't want to make a convincing guy."

"So that's settled.  Let's go by where the wishing well was, and see
if we can find that little jerk there."  The wishing well was still
there, but a small "out of order" note had been pasted on top of the
the sign.  "Oh, this guy's a riot."  Ranma bitterly snapped.

"Thank you.  I love it when people appreciate my sense of humor."
Ranma and Akane jerked reflexively at the sound of the little man's
voice right behind them.  They spun around as the man took a careful
step back out of arms reach.  "Yeah, well, joke's over.  Change Akane
back."

"No problem."  He raised his hand and a cloud of warm mist flowed out
of it, transforming Akane back to her (damp) natural form.

"It's that easy?" Akane questioned, half-hopefully.

"Oh, you meant permanently?"

"That isn't funny!  Change her back for real, shorty, or I'll-"

"That sounds like a challenge, boy."  There was a look in those blue
eyes that reminded Ranma unsettlingly of Cologne.  "Well, far be it
from me to keep you from trying to solve your problems with your
fists instead of your brain or your heart.  I am Mizu, and I accept
your challenge."

Ranma paused to size up his opponent.  Mizu's pose was languidly,
almost insultingly relaxed.  *I've got a bad feeling about this.*
Ranma took it slow, with a few experimental low power punches.  Mizu
just swayed to the right, the left and then stepped back out of the
way.  "Don't you have a meal in a couple of hours?"  *All right then*
Ranma snarled at his smug opponent and lashed out full strength and
speed ... only to have his momentum smoothly redirected, sending him
flying into the "wishing well".  Ranma was back on his feet
immediately, lashing out with a more complex series of punches,
feints and kicks.  None of them connected, Mizu redirecting them with
prescient ease, drawing Ranma's guard off-line and then using the
opening to deliver a powerful punch.  *He's not that fast, but he's
anticipating my moves like I'm following a script he wrote, and his
moves seem to come from nowhere.  Let's change the script.*  He took
to the air, leaping over Mizu's head, tumbling in mid air to lash out
with a powerful kick at the back of Mizu's head... which cut through
thin air as the water man rolled away.  *An opening!*  Ranma lashed
out at maximum speed while Mizu was still off balance, coming back to
his feet.  *Blast!  Only grazed him.*

Mizu laughed "You tagged me, must be getting careless.  I don't often
fight human opponents of your caliber.  You are good, but to misquote
a former student of mine, you're a few centuries too early to get the
better of me!"

"I was one of her teachers.  Among other things I taught her the
shark-fist.  A girl of rare gifts, that one, and rare beauty.  A good
deal smarter than you two.  And she was shorter than me," Mizu sighed
wistfully, spawning hideous and totally inaccurate visions for his
two listeners who both shivered.  He turned his attention back to
Ranma.  "But now let us finish this exercise in pointless
belligerence."

Mizu fought more aggressively now, striking repeatedly with strange
slow punches that carried tremendous power.  No matter how hard Ranma
tried, he couldn't block them and could barely dodge most of them.
Ranma's counterattacks were repeatedly turned into throws, and then
when Mizu grabbed hold of him, Ranma only barely twisted free,
leaping upward and rebounding off a tree limb back into Mizu.  *At
last, a solid hit!  Gotta follow up now, before he puts me down.*
"Tenshin Amaguriken!"  Mizu just seemed to dissolve under the impact
of hundreds of punches.  Literally.  Then as Ranma stared, stunned,
at the puddle of water on the ground, it suddenly reformed into Mizu,
punching upward and catching Ranma squarely on the chin.  He did a
full backflip before landing on his face in the grass.

Akane rushed to him, "Ranma, are you all right?".  He painfully
pulled himself up by grabbing onto her arm and then pushed her away.
"This fight isn't over."

"But he's..."

"I gotta win!  It's the only way I can get you back to normal!"

Mizu interrupted, "Actually no.  There is a nonviolent and not
particularly difficult way for Akane to be free of the curse.  And I
never promised that she would have the curse removed if you won.
Actually the only thing that's been at stake in this contest is your
ego.  Although since that's the only thing equal to your affection
for Akane, I suppose a great deal was at stake.  Sometimes, though,
problems have to be solved not fought, and sometimes you just have to
learn to go with the flow."

Akane started to burn with anger, "Then why did you fight Ranma in
the first place?!"

"It was a good workout against a challenging opponent, and a chance
to teach a mouthy mortal some respect.  After all, he called me
"short"."

"MIZU YOU JERK!"

"Whoops, gotta go!"  Mizu dissolved again out of the way of Akane's
punch, this time without reforming.  The water just sank into the
ground and vanished.

"That was odd."  Ranma commented.

"What?"

"He seemed almost scared of you."

"That was just another of his jokes, I guess.  Still, if he was
telling the truth, there is a cure, if only we can figure it out.
Let's go home and get you patched up.  Maybe we can figure something
out."

"Right."  Ranma was limping noticeably as the two headed home.  Akane
hesitated for a moment, and then put her arm around his waist.  He
looked at her.

"I know, you don't need help.  Just let me help a little anyway, will
you?"

The walk back in the developing twilight was peaceful,  actually
downright pleasant.  It wasn't until they were coming into the back
yard of the dojo that Ranma found something stupid to say, "I gotta
figure out how to beat Mizu."  He repressed the urge to yelp as
Akane's grip tightened on his bruised ribs.

"Not, 'I gotta figure out how to cure Akane' but 'I gotta beat Mizu'?
He's right, your ego is the biggest thing you have at stake, isn't
it?!"

"It's not like that!  If I can beat him, and keep him from running
away, then maybe I can get him to tell us what to do instead of just
dropping stupid hints."

"Well maybe if you worked as hard at-"  Akanes voice which had
started to take on a strident quality stopped dead as a curving chain
arced toward Ranma, the lead weight at it's end colliding brutally
with the back of his head.

Akane gasped "Ranma!"  Putting him down, she took a ready stance over
him.  "Mousse?  Shampoo?"  The weapon reminded her of Mousse, but the
figure that revealed itself was definitely closer to Shampoo.  So was
the voice.

"No.  Am Bie-Deh, Xian-Pu friend.  You give Xian-Pu runaway husband
me now.  I take back to Joketsuzo, Xian-Pu final come home."  Her
japanese was so heavily accented that Akane had to strain to work out
the meaning.

"He's NOT her husband!"

"Is in Joketsuzo.  I take now."

"Over my dead body!"  Akane snarled.

"Bie-Deh can do," the new Amazon cheerfully replied, her chain
whipping out to crack painfully over Akane's ribs and then her
forearm as Akane blocked a shot at her head.  Akane growled again and
charged Bie-Deh.  Her weapon was primarily useful at range, so that
meant get in as close as possible.  But before Akane could, the chain
snaked around her wrist.  Bei-Deh wrenched with both hands, flinging
Akane through the air...and into the koi pond.

"Now, Bie-Deh finish stupid outsider girl!"  The Amazon lunged toward
the pond, straight into Akane's fist.  Akane's punch, always
powerful, was now devastating.  Only Ryouga would be likely to put
more power into a single punch, and Akane's punch was fueled by the
day's aggravation. *Woah.  This turning into a guy stuff isn't _all_
bad.  That's the strongest punch I've ever thrown.*

"Say, you're Kaneda, aren't you?  Kasumi told me about you." Nabiki
called as she came through the sliding doors.  "Hmm.  Judging by
Ranma's condition and that Amazon, you're pretty impressive.  Ever
fight Ryouga?"

"I didn't fight Ranma, Na-, Miss Tendo."  *There I go again, lying to
my family.  Why can't I stop it?*  Akane had the sneaking sensation
that there was something she'd forgotten to consider.  Something
important...

"You seem pretty good anyway.  Mind if I watch you spar with Ranma
some time?"  Nabiki, although not an active martial artist, actually
had a fair amount of expertise in assessing skill levels.  It's a
necessary ability to establish the point spread.

"Ohhhh"  Bie-Deh's eyes fluttered open and she staggered to her feet.
Akane suddenly remembered what she'd been overlooking.

"You strong.  Never defeat by one punch before..."

"Wait, it was just a fluke...I-I didn't..."

"Wo...Ai...Ni"

Yes, Ranma took a pounding this segment.  You gotta problem with
that?  Bei-Deh probably couldn't have gotten him out the way so
easily if Ranma hadn't already been bunged up.

Some people may be wondering why I used the Japanese for Amaguriken,
rather than translating it the way I do everything else.  I just like
the way it sounds.

Nabiki helpfully translated, "That means, it's you I love.  Well
strictly speaking, it's you she loves."

It was like one of those bad dreams where you try to run away from
the monster but your feet are frozen in place.  "Um, Bei-Deh, you
can't just love someone because they knock you down."

Nabiki continued to be helpful, by saying "True enough.  If that
worked, Ranma would have proposed to Akane months ago."  Meanwhile
the monster continued to advance.

"W-wait I'm-"  The monster pounced.  OK, it was a cute monster, with
long sapphire hair, big dark eyes, wearing a cheong-sam that revealed
it's perfect figure to maximum advantage.  Akane might not have
minded if she'd been a lesbian, and not engaged, and not standing in
front of her sisters and her father who didn't recognise her because
she'd been transformed into a boy, with a fiancee who might wake up
at any moment.  (No, the boy didn't have a fiance, Akane had the
fiance, except the boy was reallAAARGH!).  Assuming of course that
Bie-Deh also wasn't a Chinese Amazon who wasn't planning on
kidnapping her fiancee, and probably "Kaneda", and taking them off to
China to be forcibly married and not to each other.  If Akane was
going to be married against her will, on the whole she preferred to
do it the traditional way and be coerced by her father.  And to a
guy.  Which didn't change the fact that it was a heck of a kiss.  Top
of the Richter scale.  And she could feel Bie-Deh's body... and her
male body was giving her the strangest sensation...  There was a
flash of light...  Someone said "Oh my!"

"AAAAGH!  Get off of me!"  Akane's paralysis suddenly vanished as she
used her considerable physical strength to break her "attacker's"
hold, tossing her metres away.  "Listen, you-you tomboy!  I'm not
gonna marry you, and that's final!"

"Not like Bie-Deh?"  Tears began to well up in the Chinese girl's
eyes.  "Think Bie-Deh ugly?  Bei-Deh be good wife, honest!"

Nabiki snickered, "Why Kaneda, you heartbreaking playboy."

"Nabiki you are not helping!" Akane snapped.  "Listen Bie-Deh, you
aren't ugly but-"

"Oh!" Bie-Deh had started to put her face into her hands but started
up when her bruising came into contact with them.  "Of course Kaneda
not like Bie-Deh look.  Face swelling up!  Bei-Deh heal up, come back
when pretty, give you REAL kiss.  Then Kaneda see!  Bye-bye!" She
jumped fluidly over their rear wall and vanished from sight.

"A...real kiss?"  Akane's skin crawled.  What did this nutcase call a
"real kiss" if that wasn't one?  Akane'd never really been kissed by
a guy.  That little peck by neko-Ranma hardly counted, and kissing
through the tape in front of the audience at a school play counted
even less. Bie-Deh's kiss had been more intimate than she'd ever
imagined.  Mikado was probably a really great kisser, he had enough
practise.  Akane wondered whether that made it even worse for Ranma
when his first kiss had been to his girl form.

"Say, how did you know I wasn't Akane?"  Nabiki enquired as she
tucked away her camera.

Akane shot her a glance, "You made jokes instead of hitting things."
Nabiki looked back at Akane, a calculating expression on her face.
*Kouchi's right.  I can't tell what goes on Nabiki's head.  Right now
I wish I could.  I'd like to know what she intends to do with that
picture.*  Akane turned and picked up Ranma, "Could you show me where
he sleeps?".  *Just let him stay out long enough for me to sneak some
hot water*

"Sure thing.  Say, are you sure you don't want to marry Bie-Deh?
She's awfully cute..."

"She's not my type."  Akane laid Ranma on his futon.  "Could I use
your bathroom before I go?"

"No problem."

*Time for the amazing vanishing Kaneda trick, and hope no one
notices.*  Apparently, no one did.

David Johnston, rgorman@telusplanet.net

Mr Tendo turned to panda-Genma and said, "Well, at least that's one
girl who doesn't seem to pose a threat to The Engagement."  Genma
nodded and growfed.  Neither of them had heard Bie-Deh's threat to
kidnap Ranma for Shampoo.

"Oh dear," added Kasumi.  "I had the impression that Kaneda was
himself engaged to someone.  I hope this doesn't cause too much
trouble.  He seems like such a nice boy."

After quickly changing clothes, Akane, back in girl form, went back
to the room shared by Ranma and his father to check on her fiancee.

"Aw, come on Nabiki.  I would have woke up on my own and you know
it."

"Yes, but I did make you more comfortable, checked you for serious
injuries, and you never know, you might really need help the next
time you get hurt.  But that's OK, I'll just toss it in gratis this
time.  I assume you'll be interested, however, in a rundown on the
name, motives, skill level and personal appearance of your new
enemy?"

"Well yeah, I guess so..."

"Two thousand yen should cover it."

"Nabiki!"  Akane interrupted, with a sudden, ugly premonition.  "You
shouldn't...uh...take advantage of Ranma that way."

"Whence comes this sudden solicitude?"  Nabiki shuddered, "I've got
to spend less time actually listening to Kuno-baby.  All I'm doing is
bartering a little information at bargain prices.  You've never
worried about that before.  And this briefing comes with a visual
aid."  Out came the picture, inevitably.  Ranma looked at it, and the
strangest succession of expressions swept across his face.  Then he
started laughing.  "Kaneda, you're such a pervert."  He reached into
his pockets, took out what money he had (somewhat short of the
theoretical purchase price) and paid Nabiki.

"It wasn't like that!  She just grabbed hold of him and..."

"So you're saying it wasn't his fault that some girl grabbed him?
Kaneda's just a nice guy that this stuff happens to, and his fiance
has nothing to worry about?"

Akane fumed.  For once Ranma had the upper hand and she was on the
defensive.  If he kept it up she was going to slug him on general
principles.  At least SHE never suggested that he might like getting
grabbed by Kuno.  Although she might have made a joke about Mikado...

"Say,", interjected Nabiki.  "How would you know, anyway?  You
weren't even there."

"I was...watching from the window."

The next day...

"Hey, pop.  How 'bout we actually practise in the Dojo this morning"

"What boy, you suddenly afraid of getting _wet_?"  Mr Saotome grabbed
Ranma and tossed him toward the koi pond.  Ranma landed just short of
it.  "I let you take a break from training last night because you
don't risk aggravating joint injuries unless you have to, but today
we have to make up for it.  I think landing in that pool is a great
motivator not to make mistakes, and you've got to expect to get wet
fighting someone named "Mizu".  Now, prepare yourself!"

Genma launched himself at Ranma in a flying kick, but Ranma just lept
up and bounced off his father's body, propelling himself forward, and
Genma into the pond.  "Well, if you insist.  I think it's mating
season for koi, though."  *He's got a curse, I don't, and I'm faster
these days.  I'll just have to be careful or risk blowing Akane's
secret.  I'm in enough trouble with her without giving her that to
blame on me.*

At breakfast, Mr Tendo complimented Ranma, "You were in fine form
today my boy."  Genma-panda growfed in reluctant agreement, somewhat
battered and damp.  Ranma was pretty subdued as he answered,
"Thanks.".  *If we can't put Akane back the way she was, I'm going to
have to win every morning sparring session until someone spills water
on her.  And then Mr Tendo is going to do that demon head thing, no
matter how he finds out.  I hate that.*

<Sploosh>  "Why DOES that old woman do that?" Akane asked.

"You got me." Ranma shrugged.  "She always does it, she never seems
to notice that she's splashing us, or what happens afterward.  I
think it's the curse that makes her do it.  Hey, what are you
doing?!"

"Taking my uniform off.  I don't want people to see me in it this
way.  They'll think I'm a pervert."

"It's better than being naked!  Oh..."  Ranma shut-up when he noticed
Akane was wearing a t-shirt and shorts underneath.  "Say, isn't that
my t-shirt?"

"Yes, I borrowed it from the wash.  You don't mind do you?"

"I guess not.  You know, we should probably tell Dr. Tofu.  He can be
trusted to keep the secret, and he could probably give us some ideas
about how to fix this."

"Well...I guess so."

As Ranma and Akane in male form approached the door to Doctor Tofu's
clinic, Akane stopped dead, as from out of nowhere a girl's body
flowed over her from the rear, hands covering her eyes and legs
wrapped around her mid section.  Akane was uncomfortably aware of the
breasts pressing against her shoulder blades as a pretty voice
spurted, "Nihao, Kaneda.  Guess who?"

*Oh great.  It's the return of the Kawaii Bakemono.  I was hoping I'd
have at least until lunch.  Let's be smarter than Ranma and at least
TRY to talk it out.*  Of course Akane was being unfair.  Ranma did
try to talk things out.  He was just terrible at it.

"Bie-Deh, please get off of me."  Akane said, summoning more
self-control to refrain from violence than she realised she had.

"Kaneda recognise!  Must be love.  Bie-Deh not want Kaneda to see
until bruise all gone."

"Get OFF!"  Fortunately, that euphemism doesn't exist in Japanese or
Chinese, and so could not be misunderstood, since this is NOT a
lemon.

"Bruise gone tonight.  Kaneda go date with Bie-Deh tonight, yes?
Bie-Deh come by six."

"Listen Bie-Deh, I don't-"  The weight was gone, and as Akane turned
all she saw was a splash of blue hair as the girl ran around the
corner.

Ranma clapped.  "Now I see how easy it really is to stop obsessed
girls from bugging me.  You have shown me the -oops!"  He leapt back.

"Anything else to say?" Akane asked as she pulled her fist back for
another try.

"Yeah.  How come you don't hit Bie-Deh instead of me?  You let her
get away with a lot more than you'd ever let me do."

"Well, she's smaller than me, and she cries when I hurt her feelings.
It's...just harder with someone like that, you know?"

"Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.  Welcome to the life of a guy."

"I'm NOT a guy!"  As the two of them went inside, Ranma replied,
"Maybe, but that curse is probably teaching you more than you wanted
to know about what it's like to be one."

They were greeted as they came in by Doctor Tofu, "Hello Ranma, who's
your friend?  He looks...sort of familiar.  A Tendo relative?"

"Hi, Doctor Tofu.  Can we borrow some hot water?"

"You don't mean...?"

"Yeah."  As Ranma responded, Akane just blushed and looked at the
ground.  *This is so humiliating.*  After Akane changed back, they
filled in Doctor Tofu while Akane slipped her uniform back on over
the T-shirt and athletic shorts.

And since Ranma wouldn't have been shocked or disgusted or even
angered by the simple sight of a picture of a girl embracing his old
school chum, and there was something wrong with an old school chum of
Ranma's showing up for any reason except to attack him or marry
him...

"Here's the receipts from the fiance lottery, boss"  Nabiki
automatically counted and gave her people their cuts.  It was her
latest inspiration, a betting pool which focused on which of Ranma's
fiances would attack each other each week.

Kaneda had to be a fraud.  How dare they talk over Nabiki's head when
she was in the room?  Nabiki had suspected last night, but assumed
that it was the result of hi-jinks with something like Instant
Nannichuan, nothing to worry about.  But this morning, Ranma was
awfully reluctant to get wet, a prospect to which he had long become
innured.  That implied that there was something to worry about.  But
she had to be sure.

She motioned Kouchi over, ignoring Kentaro's grimace at this sign of
partiality, "Oh, Kouchi, could you do me a little favour?"  She kept
her voice low for discretion's sake, and honestly had no idea how
intimate the two of them looked as Kouchi replied,"As ever, your wish
is my command...once you tell what's in it for me."

"I thought you were in love with me?" Nabiki asked, looking hurt.

"In love, yes.  That doesn't mean stupid."  Nabiki glanced over at
Kuno, and Kouchi responded, "Doesn't count.  He was stupid from the
start."

"That isn't funny, Ranma!"  Akane had been doing her best to forget
the obsessed chinese girl after her new male identity, without much
success.

"Maybe, but she's still going to show up tonight expecting you to
show her a good time.  How're you gonna handle it?"

"Maybe we could just tell her 'Kaneda' doesn't live there?"

"That could buy you some time, I guess.  Of course then she'll be mad
at you for standing her up and when she catches up with you, she'll
either hurt you or cry or both."

"Who says she'll catch up with me?  All I have to do is keep from
turning into a boy long enough to...-ite!"  Akane was interrupted by
a watering pot which bounced off her head, drenching her in the
process.  She rubbed her head and glared up at the apartment building
they were passing before pulling her uniform dress off again to
reveal the masculine t-shirt and shorts beneath.

Ranma grinned, "You wanna finish that thought?"

"Well, what are the odds that-"

"Nihao, Kaneda!"  Bie-Deh called out cheerfully as she rode past on a
bicycle, holding up a shopping bag for Akane to see.  "Bie-Deh buy
clothses for tonight!  See you after!"  The bag bore the emblem of a
store that Akane wished she had the money to shop at.

Akane groaned, then glared at Ranma, who was doing a poor job of
hiding his amusement.  He spread his hands in apology and said, "Look
on the bright side.  At least she hasn't started crashing her bicycle
into you to get your attention."

Akane grinned ruefully, and said, "Ranma, could I borrow that red and
black chinese outfit of yours tonight?."

As they headed toward Doctor Tofu's, a lawn sprinkler set too close
to the sidewalk suddenly came alive, spraying Akane, whose larger
size shielded Ranma from the spray.  "Huhn," he commented.  "I'm not
used to being this dry all day."

"I'm already transformed, so why did that happen?", Akane complained.
"I hope I don't catch a cold."

"I never did."

"Yes, but you have a really disgusting constitution."

Ranma winced a little, and pleaded, "Could ya talk a little less like
a girl when you're like that?"

"Oh yes, like you ever bother to talk like a girl when you're one,
except to con people."

"It's different with me."  Ranma had a sinking feeling that he
shouldn't have opened his mouth.  Not an unfamiliar sensation, of
course.

"What?  What makes it so different for you?"  Akane snarled,
clenching her fists.

"Er, I dunno.  Say!  Here we are at Doctor Tofu's, so you can change
back.  That's lucky!"

Doctor Tofu was as friendly as always, and his manner always had a
mellowing effect on Akane, "I'm sorry Akane, but this a little beyond
my expertise.  All I can say, is that since Mizu could manipulate the
curse so easily, and for no obvious personal gain, he probably isn't
human, and is what his name implies;  a powerful water spirit.
Expecting to defeat him in personal combat is probably unreasonable,
Ranma."

Ranma cracked his knuckles as he pondered, *Everyone has a weakness.
If I can use Mizu's...*

As Ranma led the way out of the clinic, a passing roller blader gave
him a cute smile, and started skating backwards, as she called out,
"Say, you remind me of my old sempai.  Did you...whoops!".  She
tripped and her Giant Economy Cup flew out of her hand, the screw-on
lid coming loose as it flew forward to drench --who else-- Akane.

"Aaah!  I've had it!"  Akane snarled.  "Mizu is doing this on purpose
and it's all your fault, Ranma!"  She stomped homeward, Ranma
following at a cautious distance.

Behind them, Kouchi stripped off his disguise as he commented to
himself, "Drat!  I missed again.  This is turning into a tougher job
than I figured.  Who would have thought getting Ranma Saotome wet
would be so difficult?  And who's that guy with him?"

Ranma looked over at her.  She was bright red, blushing deeper than
he'd ever seen her blush before.  He decided to subtlely lure her
into telling him why by saying, "Hey!  What's with you?  You didn't
even blush that much when you were still doing your kawaii routine
for Doctor Tofu."

In a way she welcomed the distraction, "I'm NOT blushing, and I don't
have a 'kawaii routine'!"

Ranma falsettoed, "Oh Doctor Tofu, I wouldn't...hurt myself," as he
shuffled his feet and looked down at the pavement.  "I'm a sweet
little girl who never pounds people into the ground.  I never get mad
at _anyone_!"  He looked back up at her with a silly little smile.

"I never acted like that!"

"Hey, I was there.  I saw it all.  That was exactly how you acted the
first time I met Doctor Tofu," Ranma blandly assured her.

"Oh yeah, sure I did.  Liar."  Akane grinned in spite of herself, and
then was surprised to see Ranma start to look a little uneasy for a
moment before he grinned back.

While she was doing that, a little old lady tossed a ladlefull of
water at Ranma, who automatically stepped to the side.  "This joke is
getting old, _so fast_!"  Akane could barely get the complaint out
through her clenched teeth, as yet more water splashed off her.

"You know, she doesn't usually do it this late in the day..."  Ranma
mused, as he evaded a second ladlefull, which seemed suspiciously
purposeful in it's aim.

*And she doesn't wear running shoes*  "Mizu!", Akane snarled,
reaching out to grab a handy mail box and lofting it over her head.

*Uh oh* Kouchi thought.  He dived out of the way of the unsubtle
assault.  *It seems this guy doesn't like water.  I really should be
going now*  Shedding his old lady disguise instantly, he tossed it in
his attacker's face and ran for it.

"Miiizuuu!"  Akane tossed the shabby dress aside, glowing with rage.

Ranma thought he smelled scorched cotton, as he took hold of her
shoulder, "Calm down, I don't think that was Mizu.  He moved like
Kouchi.  We'll have a long 'talk' with him tomorrow, OK?"  Akane
nodded reluctantly, and Ranma let go.

The rest of the walk home was uninterrupted by further dousings, but
Kasumi still greeted them with a startled, "Gracious!  What happened
to Kaneda?"  Still soaking from four water attacks, the white t-shirt
Akane had borrowed was virtually transparent and clinging closely to
the musculature her transformation had endowed her with, and her
shorts were similarly adhesive.

Ranma non-explained, "He had a little accident, or three.  Could you
get a towel for him?"

"Oh of course," Kasumi turned to get the towel, then glanced back for
a moment, as she suggested, "Perhaps you could lend him some dry
clothing, Ranma?  It wouldn't be healthy to stay in those things."

A chill ran down Akane's spine.  No, she had to be imagining it.
Kasumi would never look her like that.  Kasumi would never look at
anyone like that.  Kasumi was Kasumi.

Kasumi leaned back against a wall for a moment and took a deep
breath.  Kaneda's body was just so incredible, even better than
Ranma's.  He was nicer than Ranma as well.  She thought that Ranma
was a good-hearted boy, but he was still rather immature and could be
quite mannerless.  Of course Kasumi had no intention of cradle
robbing.  She shook her head ruefully and went to get the towel for
Kaneda.

When Kasumi returned to the kitchen, Kouchi was in quiet conference
with Nabiki.  Kasumi frowned.  The androgynous boy's ancestry was
rather obscure, but what Kasumi knew about it she didn't like.  His
mother didn't sound very nice, and his father was mysteriously
absent, and might not even be Japanese.  As Nabiki looked up, Kasumi
was once again smiling as she asked, "Nabiki?  Could you please take
this tea to Kaneda?  He's with Ranma in the Saotome's room, and he
looked rather chilled."

Nabiki looked startled and answered, "Ah, sure."  Popular myth at
Furiinkan High was that Nabiki did nothing for anyone without
expecting payment.  Absurd of course.  Nabiki would no more shake
down Kasumi, than Akane would hit her.  But Kasumi rarely asked
anyone to do more than move their feet anyway.

With Nabiki gone, Kasumi turned to Kouchi, politely greeting him,
"It's so nice to see you again Yamazaki-san.  I didn't hear you come
in."

He smiled back at her, "I'm easily overlooked, I fear."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that.  You are really very notable.  I look
forward to seeing you again."  As Kasumi spoke, she escorted Kouchi
to the front door and let him out, closing the door gently, but
firmly behind him.  Quite apart from her doubts concerning his
ancestry, the boy himself bothered her.  Nabiki could surely do
better and make a safer choice, one less likely to take advantage of
her trust.

Kaneda, for example, was a fine boy, with the kind of masculine
physical attractiveness that Nabiki had vocally admired more than
once, a good fighter to protect her and so honest and trustworthy.  A
boy like Kaneda would make a wonderful addition to the family, if
Nabiki actually noticed him as more than a financial opportunity.

Nabiki didn't knock, she just walked on in.  It was a good way to
catch people off guard, and that was exactly what she did, catching
"Kaneda" in nothing but a pair of boxers as he pulled out Ranma's
favorite outfit from a foot locker.  Nabiki was amused to see
"Kaneda" trying to hold up Ranma's shirt to conceal his modesty from
Nabiki, while Ranma stood with his back turned to him.

"Why so shy, Kaneda?  I've seen girls with less modesty," she asked
with a malicious twist to her lips.

"Nabiki, he's trying to change here," Ranma said.

"Into what?" Nabiki jabbed.  "From where I stand, he looks pretty
good as is.  Don't mind me, I'm just here to bring some tea-"  As she
made sure to trip over the foot locker, the tea went flying toward
Kaneda, but splashed over Ranma's chest as he desperately lept into
the way.

"Ite!  That's my favourite shirt you nearly splashed, Nabiki!"

"Clumsy me.  Sorry Ranma...say, that is your favourite shirt, isn't
it?  Gee, you must really be close friends with Kaneda, if you're
lending him your most prized possession."

"Well...yeah."  Ranma supposed you could call a fiancee a close
friend.

Akane couldn't help but smile, unaware that even as a boy her smile
transformed her whole face.  Her smile dimmed again as she wondered
why Nabiki was staring at her.  Nabiki continued to watch "Kaneda"
carefully as she continued, "Funny that you were such close friends,
but you've never mentioned him before now."

"Uh...not really.  I never talk much about the past unless it
actually comes up in the present."

"Oh, that's right isn't it?  For such an open guy, you certainly have
a lot of secrets and surprises for us, don't you?"  Nabiki looked
away then and her eye caught something else.  "Say, Ranma, have you
taken to stealing Akane's underwear again?"  She was now looking at
Akane's panties, still soaked from Kouichi's multiple waterbombing
efforts, discarded on the floor in Akane's haste to change into dry
clothing.

"What!?  I never stole Akane's underwear!  Why would I do something
like that?"

"If you're going to steal underwear, you could at least have the
decency to steal your fiancee's underwear.  Wait!  It couldn't be
that Akane herself left them here, could it?"  Nabiki clasped her
hands together in simulated bliss, "Oh wait until I tell father.
He'll be so happy!"

"NO!"  Ranma and Akane's voice rang out as one.

"Why, Kaneda, what's your interest in Ranma's engagement?"

"Aaah..."  Akane looked desperately for Ranma for an idea.  Of course
she had to be desperate to look to Ranma for ideas.

"I...uh...forgot to give back the underwear from the time you talked
me into dressing like a girl for a day."  Which didn't answer
Nabiki's question, but might distract her.

"Goodness, Ranma, that was a long time ago.  Don't tell me that
you've kept them all this time as a...souvenir? Whatever would Akane
think?  Oh well, at least I know Kaneda here isn't a pervert.  Which
is good, because I was thinking that if Kaneda is free on Saturday
night, maybe we could do something together; maybe double with you
and Akane.  Kaneda's really cute, after all, and so masculine!"  The
look of utter horror on Ranma and Akane's face was definitely worth
the price of admission for Nabiki.  She quickly made her exit while
she could keep a straight face.

Outside, she covered her mouth to muffle her giggles.  When she'd
recovered, she said to herself, "Serves them right.  Trying to treat
_me_ like a mark.  Good thing I figured it out though.  Akane does
make a pretty impressive guy.  For that matter, it's a good thing
Kasumi doesn't notice that sort of thing."

Most people would say this was a date that was going well.
Uncomfortably well for Akane, who found herself enjoying it at times.
While she wasn't actually attracted to Bie-Deh, no, not at all, the
little Amazon had an infectiously bubbly personality and had firmly
insisted "No talk serious, until finish show good time!  Is fun time
now!"

Akane was a little surprised that the restaurant hadn't been the
Nekohanten.  Instead, the one Bie-Deh picked was close to the movie
theatre and expensive enough that Akane was reluctantly grateful that
Bie-Deh had been comically stern as she insisted, "Is for girl to
pay, is for boy to have good time!"

The movie was an action movie with a romance subplot that Akane found
appealing, her favourite viewing material, really.  If Bie-deh hadn't
insisted on putting her arm around Akane and leaning her head against
Akane's shoulder it would have been perfect.  Akane just hoped that
Ranma wasn't spying on her.  He might get the idea she liked it.  Of
course it was kind of cosy, sort of like cuddling P-Chan, except
P-Chan didn't want to marry her.

"...and Joketsuzo has dish for watch outside teevee so Airen see show
he like, and Elders know fight secret no outsider know but after
marry NOT outsider and..."  Akane put her finger to Bie-Deh's lips,
cutting off Bie-Deh's torrential hard sell.  The blue-haired Amazon
made Shampoo sound taciturn by comparison, and her Japanese was even
worse, although practise making perfect, it seemed to be improving.
Apparently now that the movie was over, Bie-Deh was ready for
"serious talk"

"Bie-Deh, could you listen to me for a bit?"  Bie-Deh nodded
cheerfully, Akane's finger moving up and down with her lips, "You
can't expect me to live under your law any more than I expect you to
stay in Japan and...uh become a Japanese housewife and never fight
again.  We-we come from such different ways of life that I could
never be happy living as an Amazon husband."

"That OK.  Bie-Deh not expect Kaneda know how cook."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!?"  The subject of her greatest frustration rarely
failed to agitate Akane.

Bie-Deh backed away, looking nervous.  "Sorry-sorry!  Bie-Deh say
wrong.  Bie-Deh eat anything Kaneda want cook, honest!  Not be mad
Bie-Deh, please?"  She looked up at Akane's male face in a pleading,
almost tearful way.

Akane looked at her date's hopeful expression and sighed.  This
wasn't going well.  It was hard having to hurt the cute little
monster.  She almost wished Bie-Deh was a guy.  Or that Ranma was a
fraction so affectionate and considerate.  Not that she could have a
date like this with Ranma anyway as long as Ranma insisted on keeping
all those other girls panting after him.  They'd be sure to ruin it
if Ranma even tried to get romantic.

It is a little known fact that Kuno Kodachi is somewhat nearsighted.
Not a lot, of course.  She can read normal sized print with only
moderate effort even without the glasses she keeps in a secret room
on the Kuno estate.  But at a distance of a couple of blocks, things
look a little blurry to her. She never wears glasses or contact
lenses in public of course, since those might mar the beauty of her
eyes.  So when she saw Ranma's trademark outfit, and a new girl
latched onto it's owner in barnacle-like fashion; what happened was
an honest mistake.  Allowing, that is, for her intent being assault
and harassment in the first place.

Most characters and situations in this story are the
property of Takahashi Rumiko and are used without consent
but without the desire to give offense.

David Johnston, rgorman@telusplanet.net

Ranma's first impulse was to follow Akane around on her
date.  It's not that he was jealous, since he was confident
that Akane was even less comfortable in her boy form than
he was in his girl form.  He just would have enjoyed
watching _her_ squirm for a change as she tried to "reason"
with a chibi-Shampoo.  But...that would have meant missing
Kasumi's dinner, and he was hungry.

And so it was that he was deeply engrossed in one of
favourite activities when Mr. Tendo happened to ask, "Ranma,
where is my daughter?" at exactly the wrong moment.

Ranma answered, "Hork!" as he inhaled injudiciously.

Mr. Tendo began to grow angry.  "Stop pretending to choke,
and answer the question!"

"Glark!" Ranma responded, slamming his fist into his chest.

"Er... daddy, I think he's really choking," intervened Nabiki.

"Urk!"

"Please excuse me," Kasumi said to Ranma and, for the first
time in anyone's recollection, clenched her fist.  She punched him
solidly in exactly the right place to dislodge the blockage.

"N-nice one, Kasumi.  Thanks.  (hic!)"

Kasumi smiled.  "I hope I didn't hurt you too badly, but drastic
measures seemed to be called for.  Have some water."

Soun looked at his eldest daughter, puzzled, and asked, "How did
you know how to do that?"

"I sometimes actually read the books I borrow from Dr. Tofu,
Father."

Soun nodded and said, "Well done."  As Kasumi blushed, he turned
back to Ranma.  "But you still haven't answered my question."

Ranma was still gulping water as Nabiki answered for him,
"Oh, did I forget to tell you?  Akane's out with her girlfriend
tonight."  A mouthful of water sprayed out, and Nabiki looked
irritatedly at Ranma.  "Eating with you is _such_ an adventure.
Anyway, as I was saying, Akane wanted me to tell you she'd be
out with one of her friends.  They're going to some movie, I
think."

Mollified, Soun sat back and chided, "You should take Akane out
one of these days, Ranma.  I'm sure she'd enjoy sharing a
movie with you."

While he was talking, Nabiki silently mouthed, "You owe me" at
Ranma.

Ranma shrugged and said to Kasumi, "Great meal, and thanks for
the save.  Gotta go."  He ducked out as quickly as possible,
and headed for the Nekohanten.

Akane looked down at the dark pools of devotion
looking up at her and sighed.  "Look Bie-Deh, there is no
way that you can be in love with me because I knocked you
out.  That's just...weird!"

"Is easier...to...marry when decide be...to...be in love."
Bie-Deh assured her, struggling to get the Japanese words out.

Aaargh!  The monomaniac just wouldn't take a hint, but was
so nice about it!  Akane missed having suitors she didn't
mind hitting.  Kuno had a lot of good points in retrospect.
Akane struggled onward with her line of reasoning, "Well
yes, but it's better if you fall in love first and then
marry the man you love."

"Bie-Deh do fall in love.  Now Bie-Deh just be so-so nice that
Kaneda fall in love.  Then marry!  Is right way, yes?"

"Gaaaah!"  Maybe it would be all right to hit her after all.
It wasn't as if Akane was really a guy, even if she looked
like one at the moment.

"Bie-Deh sorry.  She know Kaneda shy.  Should not push before
husband ready.  Just be so nice..."  Bie-Deh seeped closer,
smiling as she continued, "...so nice that Kaneda want..."
Akane didn't back up fast enough as the Kawaii Bakemono
latched on. "...go on next date, yes?"  She moved in for
the kiss, both arms around Akane's neck.

"Uhhh..."  No.  Akane put her hand up and started to push
Bie-Deh away, then realised what she was now touching, and
snatched her hands back to peel Bie-Deh's from her neck.
As she did so, the pressure from Bie-Deh suddenly vanished
as a green and black blur sent the little Chinese Amazon
flying into the alley behind them.

"Ohohohoho!  How dare you grope my Ranma-sama!"

David Johnston
rgorman@telusplanet.net

At the Nekohanten, Shampoo's face lit up at the sight of
her fiance.  "Ai ren!" she greeted him, "Want some ramen?"

Behind her, Mousse gritted his teeth, resolving to keep
on watch on Ranma so that any insult could be avenged
later.  In the Nekohanten itself, Ranma was untouchable.

Ranma looked around.  Akane and Bie-Deh were nowhere to
be seen.  Now that he thought about it, he'd just assumed
that the restaurant they'd go to was the Nekohanten.
"Actually I came to ask you about your friend Bee-Deh."

"Who?"

"Maybe I'm pronouncing it wrong.  Bei-Deh? Bie-Deh?"

"Ranma always pronounce Amazon name wrong.  What she
look like?"

"Kind of like you, but shorter, with black eyes and bright
blue hair; uses a weighted chain to fight.

There was a pause.  "Shampoo has no friend like that."

"She said..."  Ranma paused.  He generally relied on his
reflexes more than his brains, but now he was starting to
think.  "I need to talk to Cologne."

"OK.  She in kitchen."

Cologne was cooking the next set of orders for her
customers as Ranma walked in.  "Well, son-in-law, did you
come to ask Shampoo out, or was it me?"  Cologne's eyes
glittered a little with amusement as Ranma shuddered.

"Come to think of it, I did run into an old boyfriend
of yours last night.  Maybe he'll ask you out...old
ghoul."

Cologne briskly rapped him on the head and then
asked, "Who are you talking about?"

"A guy who calls himself Mizu.  He claims to have
taught you the Shark-Fist."

Cologne paused to consider a vivid memory from her
youth of being transformed into a boy and tried
before the Amazon Elders before saying,
"Water, eh?  Yes, I remember such a person.  I
take it, you're the latest target of his sense of
humor?"

"Yeah," Ranma half-lied, "What's with that guy,
anyway?"

She eyed him and dryly reprimanded,  "If you don't
learn to ask meaningful questions, you can not expect
to receive useful answers."

"Well, what is he?  How can I take him on?"

"He is an elemental spirit, and so has great control
over his element, being most dangerous in its vicinity.
Apart from that, he has the magical power represented
by his element.  As fire excels at destruction, air at
movement, metal at durability, and wood at bringing
forth life; so water is the element which transforms
what it touches or is transformed.  He can transform
others or himself with frightening ease.  Apart from
that, he is also an immortal who has studied martial
arts for longer than I have been alive, although
perhaps not so intensely," Cologne lectured,
ominously.

"What about weaknesses?" Ranma prodded.

"He's bound by his word, far more than than any
human could be.  Once he makes a promise or bargain,
he is quite incapable of violating its wording.  He's
bored enough that he'll accept challenges that restrict
him from using his full power, and the more he is
separated from his element, the weaker he is."

It really was an honest mistake.  Kodachi recognised
Ranma's favourite outfit, heard a piping Chinese
accent, and was downright eager to have some fun.
True, maybe the hair was wrong, but the
wealthy-and-therefore-eccentric gymnast wasn't
overly inclined to sweat the details.

Batman, the Joker, and Poison Ivy all wrapped into
one slender package, she snagged a convenient
projection and swung into action.  Knocking
the impertinent interloper aside, she slid into
the arms of her beloved...wait a moment...  This
boy was NOT Ranma.  He was taller and more
muscular.  He didn't look very happy though.

Akane snarled, "Kodachi!"

Kodachi blushed in embarassment at her mistake,
wondering how this first grade slab of beef
knew her, "I'm terribly sorry, sir.  The clothes
you are wearing--"

"Dress ruined!  Kiss ruined!  Obstacles are for
killing!".  Akane just stepped back as Bie-Deh
surged at Kodachi like a tsunami.

*Should I stop her?* Akane wondered.  If Bie-Deh
actually killed Kodachi, that would mean a lot of
legal problems, but Akane had trouble believing
the little Chinese girl would actually kill
someone...deliberately that is.  On the other
hand, that grip on Kodachi's throat did look
pretty enthusiastic.

Akane sighed and pulled Bie-Deh off, warning
"Don't get carried away, Bie-Deh.  Amazon laws
won't keep you from going to jail here if you
actually kill her, and she's more like an
irritant than an obstacle."

Kodachi gasped for breath like a drowning
victim as she rolled backwards and up to her
feet.  "Irritant" was she?  She'd show them
irritation.  She smiled and her eyes glittered
in the darkness as she began to speak, "My
love...how could you let this gaijin treat me
that way; when only last night you swore that
she meant nothing to you and you would soon be
rid of her?  How cruel!"

Akane tried to interrupt but was overridden by
the rolling  Kuno Soliliquy (tm) as she
continued, "To use a young girl's affections
and then to discard her, such is the act of
the lowest kind of man.  You seducer of
innocents!  Enemy of women!"

Akane looked at Bie-Deh, staring back at "him"
with trembling lips and wide teary eyes.  "Oh,
come on, you don't actually..."  Wait.  This was
her chance.  Ranma's problem was he didn't have
the courage to reject girls, even for their own
good.  She wouldn't even lie to Bie-Deh, really.
She took a deep breath and said, "Well, didn't
you think that I might already have someone I was
going to marry?  It's not as if I came to your
village and looked to challenge you.  You attacked
me!  I've been trying to break it to you gently,
but it's your own fault if you got hurt."

Bie-Deh turned red as steamed lobster.  "Kaneda Baka!"
Her leg whipped out to deliver a kick to Akane's shin
that sent pain shooting up to her hip.  "She nasty!
You stupid ...to... pick her over nice fiancee!
Is not fair!"  The blue haired girl turned and ran.

Crouched down to grab her injured leg, Akane looked
after Bie-Deh, imagining she could actually
see a stream of tears floating in the air behind her
"fiancee".  It was for her own good, but Akane couldn't
help whispering Bie-Deh's name as the girl fled.

Meanwhile Kodachi watched in confusion.  She hadn't
expected her trick to work quite so well...unless...
"Oh Kaneda-san, have you truly longed for me from
afar?  But my heart is already given to another!"

Akane straightened up from where she was crouching,
appalled by what was about to happen.  Desperately
she said, "NO!  I wasn't-"

"Ohohoho-kaff!  How shy!  You do seem to have many
of the qualities I so admire in my Ranma-sama, so
perhaps we shall discuss this again!"  Kodachi
tossed a single black rose and as Akane hastily
dodged, the Black Rose leapt back into the darkness.

Akane looked after her and sighed.  Maybe marrying
Bie-Deh wasn't such a bad option after all.

For Every Action, Part 14

The old dial phone in the central hallway of the Tendo
household rang with a tone that Nabiki always found
particularly irritating.  She cut it off in mid-shriek.

"Hello? Nabiki...san?"

Nabiki smirked at the sound of her sister's newly
acquired masculine voice and answered, "Hello, Kaneda,
how's the date going?"

"It isn't.  Like I said, she isn't my type.  Listen,
is Ranma there?"

"Sorry, Kaneda, he's out."

"Where is that baka?!"

"Wouldn't know.  You know, the way you ask, a girl might
almost think that _Ranma_ was your type.  He isn't, is
he?"

"NO!  I just...need his help with something."

"He's probably out visiting one of his girlfriends
since Akane seems to have run off on him.  You haven't
seen her, have you?"  Nabiki waited patiently for a
response that seemed slow in coming.

Akane forced herself to unclench her jaw enough to say,
"I'm sure she'll be home soon."

"Say," Nabiki purred, "there isn't some problem _I_ could
help you with, is there?  Normally I don't do favours for
free, but in ...your... case, I'd consider making an
exception..."  Her voice trailed off enticingly as her
shoulders shook with silent laughter.

On the other end of the phone line Akane could feel her
ears burning with embarassment.  Her boy's voice squeaked
embarassingly as she stammered, "Uh...oh...no thanks
Nabiki-san.  That's all right, I'll uh...  Nice talking
to you."

"Nice talking to you, as well.  You're sure that there
isn't..."  Nabiki gave a little gasp ala Marilyn Monroe,
"...anything I can do for you?"  A click and a dial tone
was her only answer.  She grinned widely.

"Nabiki?" Kasumi emerged from the kitchen, stripping off
her rubber gloves.  "Who was that on the phone?"

"Oh, it was that Kaneda guy looking for Ranma,"  Nabiki
answered casually.  Really, Akane was probably right to
keep what had happened to her from Kasumi and their
father.  They probably couldn't handle it.  But trying to
trick Nabiki Tendo?  Akane was lucky to be let off so
easily.

"Nabiki..."  Kasumi hesitated.  "Have you noticed how...
muscular that boy is?"

"Yes, I guess he's in pretty good shape."  Nabiki conceded.
"He does a lot of martial arts, I understand.  Gives him
something in common with Ranma."

"And how good his manners are?"

"Uh-hunh."

"He has a really nice smile, don't you think?"

"Uh..."  Nabiki was beginning to feel really
uncomfortable with this conversation.

"And doesn't he have the most perfect...lower end?"

"Ak!" The middle Tendo sister prided herself on never
panicking, but the idea of her older sister, almost her
mother, lusting after her little sister in disguise was
just about the scariest thought she'd ever had.

"He doesn't seem terribly happy with that Chinese girl,
does he?  Perhaps he's looking for something else in a
girlfriend," Kasumi mused aloud.  "Do you suppose he's
mature enough to be interested in a slightly older girl?"

Nabiki found herself sweating.  There was no way she'd
let Kasumi humiliate herself this way.  "No!  I mean...
he's way too immature for you, he's almost as immature
as Ranma, and I think he has a violent streak..."

"Goodness, you seem almost upset," Kasumi observed.
"You aren't interested in him, yourself, are you?"

There was a pause, and then Nabiki muttered, "You could
say I feel close to him."  She wasn't blushing.  She
wasn't going to blush.

"Well I certainly won't try to get in the way of you and
happiness," Kasumi assured her with a blissful smile and
returned to the kitchen.

Nabiki let her breath out with a sigh, then smirked a
little at herself.  Imagine  getting caught that way, but of
course it wasn't likely to go any further.
Protecting Kasumi from heartbreak was worth a minute's
embarassment.  At least she knew what was going on so
there was no chance this situation would get any more
difficult.

Kasumi put the gloves away and went out to the Dojo
where her father was practising.  She quietly called out,
"Father?"

Soun said, "Yes, Kasumi?" without pausing as he kicked
his imaginary opponent.

"I think that Nabiki is falling in love."

"Really?!"  Well-practised tear ducts began to warm up
in preparation for action.

Akane watched from hiding as Ranma strutted cockily down
the street.  Fine for him.  He was cured, and obviously
he liked that just fine, no matter what the "cure" meant
for her.  She growled deep in her throat and reached out
to grab him and pull him into the alley.  He pivoted and
lashed out, too fast for her to block.

Fortunately Ranma remembered who the boy
with a distinct resemblance to Soun Tendo was in time.
The back of his hand stopped an inch away from Akane's nose.

"Geez, Akane, don't do that!  I coulda hurt you," he
complained.

She looked around warily.  "Don't call me that.  Somebody
might hear you."

"Getting paranoid or what?"  As she glared at him Ranma
shrugged.  "So, how'd the date go anyway?"

"Well, it was pretty uncomfortable, but at least _I_ managed
to get rid of _my_ unwanted fiancee."

"Really?  How'd you do it?"

"I just convinced her that I had someone else."

"So how'd she like that?"

Akane looked down at the pavement silently.

"It ain't that easy, is it?  She'll probably come after me,
now.  After all 'obstacles are for killing', right?"

"Oh I'm sure she's given up on me.  She was pretty upset.
Besides, I didn't tell her about you...how could I?  She
thinks Kodachi's the girl I...er..."

Ranma stared at her, and then slowly asked, "Why Kodachi?
Was she around?"

"Yes..."

"She heard you?  And you think your fiancee problems are
solved now?  What kind of dream are you living in?"

"I don't want to hear it, all right?" Akane snapped.  "Look,
I want to go home.  Can you go get me some hot water and
clothes?"

"Sure thing.  I'll be right back."   Ranma sauntered toward
the house, leaving Akane glaring at his back.  She was
developing a killer headache, and really felt like breaking
something.

Ranma was taking off his shoes when Kasumi called his
name.  He answered, "Yeah, it's me."

She appeared in the hallway, smiling as usual.  Ranma
took a second look.  Not quite as usual, actually.  There
was something about the way she was smiling...

"Ranma, Father would like to talk to you."

"Okay.  Just let me take care of something first."

"Ah, he's waiting for you now.  It's about something
important."

Oh no.  That klutz had given herself away somehow,
and now old man Tendo was going to kill him.  He took
another look at Kasumi's smile.  Surely she wouldn't be
smiling if he was about to die...would she?
He mustered his courage and answered, "Sure thing."

His first look at Soun Tendo didn't give much of a clue.
Tendo was in "great stone-face" mode, the poker face with
which he always made announcements if they weren't spur of
the moment decisions.  "Ranma," he began.  "I'm sure you
realise that I'm not a father who casually interferes in
the lives of his children."

"Whaddayamean?  You interfere in Akane's life all the
time!" Ranma protested, instantly regretting it as his
presumptive father-in-law glared at him.

"That isn't casual!  And if you were more reasonable--,"
Tendo cut himself short and continued, "But that isn't
what I want to discuss.  Ranma, I have reason to believe
that my daughter has fallen in love."

"What?  When did Akane have time to fall in love?"

"I'm not talking about Akane."

"Hey, that's great, Kasumi.  Who's the lucky guy?"

"I'm not talking about Kasumi either!"  Soun was
beginning to turn red with frustration.

"Um...doesn't that pretty much exhaust the alternatives?"

"I have THREE daughters, idiot!  Three!"

"Well yeah, but Nabiki's not real likely to fall for
anyone, is she?" Ranma pointed out.

"She HAS fallen for someone!"

"Oh yeah, sure.  What's really up?"

"It's true," Kasumi interjected.  "I overheard her
talking and I've never heard her sound so affectionate.
So I asked her whether she was interested in him, and
she even blushed when she admitted it.

"Well, I guess it's nice to know she actually has a
heart, but what's it to me?"

"Ranma, I need your help to give Nabiki a chance at
happiness," Tendo said.  "I worry about her so much, son.
If this doesn't work out, she could be condemned to a life
of isolation and bitterness."  Tears began to well from
his eyes.

"All right, already, whaddaya want from me?" Ranma said
hastily.  Soun Tendo's emotional swings tended to unnerve
him.

The tears subsided with marvellous swiftness,
"I want you to help arrange a date for her."

"You're kidding!  Look, if anyone knows how to go after
and get what she wants, it's Nabiki.  She don't need my
help and she don't want my help."  Ranma crossed his arms
confident, that for once he knew exactly how to avoid getting
into trouble.

Kasumi looked worried as she answered, "Ranma, sometimes
ordinarily clear-headed, clever people lose those qualities
when dealing with matters of the heart.  Fear and longing
can make them behave in uncharacteristic ways."

"I guess," Ranma answered.  "Wouldn't really want to see
Nabiki waltzing with a hatstand anyways.  Still, how'm I
supposed to get a date for her?"

"That's simple enough," Tendo assured him.  "Just ask your
friend to ask her out."

"I wouldn't exactly say Ryoga's my friend..."

A distorted demonic head seemed to loom over Ranma,
snarling, "Don't start that again!  Kaneda!  Tell Kaneda
that Nabiki's interested in him and ask him to try asking
her out on a date!  Understand?"  The projection faded
away restoring Soun Tendo's appearance to normal.

Ranma stared, openmouthed, then stammered, "Ka-Kaneda?
Nabiki's not..."

Kasumi answered serenely, "Yes."

"But, Kaneda's--I mean he's not--He's definitely not
interested in Nabiki that way!"

"Now, don't be so hasty, lad.  He hasn't had a chance to
get to know the real Nabiki," Soun argued.

"Yeah, but..."  Ranma trailed off, trying to find the right
lie.

Kasumi cleared her throat delicately.  "Is it that you don't
consider Nabiki to be good enough company for a friend of
yours?"  She looked at him in inquiry.

Ranma noticed that the wall seemed to be bumping into his
back as he stammered, "No-no, I didn't mean that!  She's
like smart and funny 'n stuff.  There's nothin' wrong with
Nabiki."

"Then I know I can count on you, to do your part.  That's
something I've always respected about you, the way your word
is your bond."  Soun put his arm around Ranma's shoulders.

"Uh...thanks."

"So then, we're set.  Have him come over tomorrow and ask
her out."

Ranma was willing to agree to anything to get out of the room.
Kasumi and Mr. Tendo were starting to creep him out, and Akane was
probably getting madder and madder, out there.  "Uh, sure."
He scampered out of Soun's grasp and upstairs.

Kasumi's smile was as innocent as ever.  After all, it was all in
Nabiki's best interest.

"No!  Never!  Not on your life!"

"You're bein' kinda negative," reproached Ranma as Akane poured the
hot water over "his" head, becoming a girl once again.

"It's perverted!  Totally perverted!  It's just the most
totally...absolutely...utterly-"

Ranma handed Akane's "female" clothes over as he warned,  "You want
your family to hear?  They're right past that wall you know."  He
turned his back so she could change.

Instantly Akane's voice dropped to a fierce whisper.  "-perverted idea
you've ever had!  Worse than when you told Ryoga you loved him and you
wanted to marry him!   My own sister!   And don't you dare peek!"

"Pfeh.  Like I'd-"  Ranma stopped himself, not wanting to get
sidetracked.  " You won't have to actually go out with her you know.
I got a brilliant plan."

"Ranma, you wouldn't know a brilliant plan if one tapdanced in front
you, singing 'brilliant plans are here again' and keeping time with a
hammer on yieeee!"   She bashed reflexively, knocking the small
black-clad form away.

Happosai cheerfully bounced off a wall and landed on his feet as he
commented, "Not bad, not bad.  I think your reflexes are improving,
Akane-chan.  But you forgot something."  He held up the blouse he'd
snatched from her hand.

"Get lost,  freak," Ranma snarled as Akane, red-faced, snatched up the
shirt she'd borrowed from him and quickly slipped it back on.  "Don't
you have nothin' better to do?"

"Surely you don't think that a pretty girl in Nerima can say 'pervert'
three times and not have me hear," the dirty old man boasted.  "Now
tell me, just what was it that you were suggesting to Akane?  Can I
watch?"

"None 'a your business."

"Oh I'm making it my business, boy," Happosai's playful tone turned
cold and demanding as he reached into his bag of swag.  "Tell me what
I want to know, or you'll get...this!"  Dramatically he brandished a
gun.

Ranma snorted.  "Yeah right.  I'm so scared."  He crossed his arms
contemptuously.

Appalled, Akane watched as Happosai leveled the weapon.  She could see
the glint of steely intent in Happosai's eyes.   Her nerve snapped,
and she gave Ranma a hard shove, propelling him face first into a wall
just as Happosai's finger tightened on the trigger...

"Akane? What have I done?" Happosai said in a shocked whisper.  "This
is...horrible.  I never meant...  Ranma!  This is your fault!"  He
shifted his aim and pulled the trigger again and again.

Ranma ignored the squirts of water as he turned on Akane.  "What were
you thinking?  If that had been a real gun you'd be dead, now!"

Akane's tenor voice answered defensively, "Well, excuuuse me for
trying to save your life, Mr. Ungrateful!"

"Didn't you think I knew what I was doing?  Unlike some people, I can
tell the difference between a toy and the real thing."

"It was dark!"

Happosai dropped the water-pistol and began to cry.  "My Ranma-chan,
my Akane-chan...how is this possible?  Who would do such a horrible
thing, depriving an old man of the greatest joys in his life?"

Ranma looked at him for a moment, then answered, "Guy calling himself
"Mizu" switched the curse around."

"Fear not children!  I, Happosai, Grandmaster of the Anything Goes
School of Martial Arts will avenge you and restore the way things
should be."

"Whatever," they both answered in unison as the old pervert's spry
little form leapt off into the darkness.

They decided there was no point  in having Ranma sneak back inside for
another dose of hot water.  Instead, they'd just go in through the
window he'd left open behind him, an operation that didn't go as
smoothly as it could have.  Akane forgot how tall "he" was and
cracked "his" head painfully on the windowsill, sending "himself"
sprawling onto the hardwood floor.

It just popped out.  Ranma no more could have kept from saying, "Geez,
you're clutzier than ever," than he could have stopped breathing.  Of
course Akane was eager to demonstrate just how easy it was
for Ranma to stop breathing.

Then the lights came on.  "Don't just lie there, boy, use the
Sea-Lions Applause!" Genma rumbled, from the doorway.

Sheepishly, Akane let go of Ranma's throat explaining, "It's not
what it looks like, sir."

"It looks like you were strangling my son.  Have I taught you
nothing, Ranma?  Why didn't you use the Applause?"

"Well, for one thing, it can leave someone permanently deaf,"
Ranma pointed out.  "And this is a friend of mine.  Say hi,
Kaneda."

"Pleased to meet you, sir.  I was just having some fun with
Ranma, that's all."

"There's something familiar about you, boy." Genma mused
aloud.  "Strange that I don't actually recall ever meeting you."

"Oh, well we've never actually talked before but you've probably
seen me around Ranma when we went to school together," Akane
said carefully.

Genma frowned.  "Why did you climb in through Ranma's
window, anyway?  You aren't interested in him, are you?
He's not a manly man in that sense, you know."

"What?  No!  I'd never-" Akane caught "his" self and lowered
"his" voice an octave.  "Not bloody likely, sir.  I prefer the
opposite sex."

"Good.  I'd hate to think that Nabiki was falling for someone
who couldn't appreciate her assets.  So, ready to ask her out?"

"Well, it's...uhh."

"Stop mumbling, boy." Genma scolded. " You'll never impress the girl
that way. She's as sharp as a stilleto through your heart, but she
definitely wants you  so don't beat around the bush, just say what you
want and  everything will work out perfectly.  Faint heart never won
fair flower."

"But what if I don't want to ask her out?" Akane protested.

"Then you're a fool.  A girl as pretty as that, and you know she'll
say yes, before you ask?  It's a sure thing, boy.  _Never_ turn
down a sure thing.  And it wouldn't be loyal to Ranma, you know.
We've been on shakey ground recently, and if Tendo gets the idea
that Ranma didn't really try to convince you...well...let's just say
that the forecast calls for rain tonight, and Ranma's really taken to
liking a roof over his head when it rains."

"You don't think da-Tendo-san would really throw Ranma out
because I didn't ask Nabiki out, do you?"

"He might.  Certainly you'd never be welcome in this house, again.
C'mon, boy.  You owe to your friend.  You owe it to that poor girl
pining away for you.  You owe it to your country!  Do it for Japan!
Do it for all mankind!"

Akane and Ranma exchanged glances.

"Where did that come from?" wondered Akane.

"Now do you see what I have to live with?  But you probably won't
be welcome in the house if you don't play along at least a little, so
why don't you just do what I told you to do?  It oughta work."

"Listen to my son,"  Genma boasted  "He knows how to attract women,
even if I sometimes wish he'd tone it down a little.  With your looks
and his brain--"

"I'm probably dead meat.  Fine, I'll try it, just to stop you two from
bugging me," Akane conceded.  She couldn't believe that Nabiki was
really hot for "Kaneda" anyway.  She wasn't hot for anyone.  This was
probably just one of those wacky misunderstandings that seemed to
be such a big part of her life these days.

Nabiki was downstairs watching television in a teenager's sprawl.
Akane hesitated at the open doorway, as "his" nerve faltered.  This
was just too perverted, she thought.  There had to be a way out of it.
Suddenly a hand shoved "him" abruptly into the room.  "He" looked
angrily back at Ranma and his father, both of them looking at the
ceiling and whistling nonchalantly.

Nabiki turned her head at the noise and raised an eyebrow.  The cold
reception heartened Akane though, and she stepped forward.  "Excuse
me, Tendo-san, but I'd like to ask you...um...out"

"What!"

Good.  That sounded like shock, or maybe even anger.  Not at all like
interest, much less <gag> love.  Now to make sure, the follow-up blow.
 

"I don't have much money because I'm just a wandering orphan martial
artist, though.  Is that a problem?"  Akane took a step back at the
impassive expression on "his" sister's face.  She wondered whether
that touch had been overkill.

Nabiki's head slowly turned and she looked at the kitchen door.
Kasumi was standing there, wringing her apron nervously as she waited
for Nabiki's response.  Slowly Nabiki began to smile, not her usual
little smirk, but a broad toothy smile filled with delight as she
turned her face back to Akane.  "Why Kaneda, that's no problem
at all.  I'll gladly cover my part of any expenses on our date."

"You...you will?"  Damn!  It had been overkill.  Akane'd driven her
own sister totally insane.  She should have known better than to
follow Ranma's stupid plan.  It was all his fault!  Him and his idiot
of a father!

"Playing hard to get, eh, boy?" Genma complimented Ranma.  "You
really do know how to handle a woman.  Now if you'd just use that
skill on Akane instead of any other girl who wanders by, we'd be set."

Suddenly the table was flung aside as Soun stood up from his hiding
place and declared, "IT'S JUST SO BEAUTIFUL!  What greater sign of
true love has ever been seen?  My daughter is going out on her first
date!"

" I've been out on dates before, Daddy," Nabiki calmly pointed out.
"In fact the Yamazaki brothers--"

"Oh, well they hardly count, do they?" Kasumi said, so gently that it
almost didn't seem like an interruption.  "No point in dwelling on the
distant past.  Perhaps you should settle on a day and time?"

"Tomorrow good for you?" Nabiki asked.

Akane shrugged and gave up.  "Sure."

"See you at seven."

"Whatever."  Akane beat a hasty retreat.  "C'mon, Ranma.  You and me
are going to have a looong chat."

David Johnston

rgorman@telusplanet.com

They decided there was no point  in having Ranma sneak back inside for
another dose of hot water.  Instead, they'd just go in through the
window he'd left open behind him, an operation that didn't go as
smoothly as it could have.  Akane forgot how tall "he" was and
cracked "his" head painfully on the windowsill, sending "himself"
sprawling onto the hardwood floor.

It just popped out.  Ranma no more could have kept from saying, "Geez,
you're clutzier than ever," than he could have stopped breathing.  Of
course Akane was eager to demonstrate just how easy it was
for Ranma to stop breathing.

Then the lights came on.  "Don't just lie there, boy, use the
Sea-Lions Applause!" Genma rumbled, from the doorway.

Sheepishly, Akane let go of Ranma's throat explaining, "It's not
what it looks like, sir."

"It looks like you were strangling my son.  Have I taught you
nothing, Ranma?  Why didn't you use the Applause?"

"Well, for one thing, it can leave someone permanently deaf,"
Ranma pointed out.  "And this is a friend of mine.  Say hi,
Kaneda."

"Pleased to meet you, sir.  I was just having some fun with
Ranma, that's all."

"There's something familiar about you, boy." Genma mused
aloud.  "Strange that I don't actually recall ever meeting you."

"Oh, well we've never actually talked before but you've probably
seen me around Ranma when we went to school together," Akane
said carefully.

Genma frowned.  "Why did you climb in through Ranma's
window, anyway?  You aren't interested in him, are you?
He's not a manly man in that sense, you know."

"What?  No!  I'd never-" Akane caught "his" self and lowered
"his" voice an octave.  "Not bloody likely, sir.  I prefer the
opposite sex."

"Good.  I'd hate to think that Nabiki was falling for someone
who couldn't appreciate her assets.  So, ready to ask her out?"

"Well, it's...uhh."

"Stop mumbling, boy." Genma scolded. " You'll never impress the girl
that way. She's as sharp as a stilleto through your heart, but she
definitely wants you  so don't beat around the bush, just say what you
want and  everything will work out perfectly.  Faint heart never won
fair flower."

"But what if I don't want to ask her out?" Akane protested.

"Then you're a fool.  A girl as pretty as that, and you know she'll
say yes, before you ask?  It's a sure thing, boy.  _Never_ turn
down a sure thing.  And it wouldn't be loyal to Ranma, you know.
We've been on shakey ground recently, and if Tendo gets the idea
that Ranma didn't really try to convince you...well...let's just say
that the forecast calls for rain tonight, and Ranma's really taken to
liking a roof over his head when it rains."

"You don't think da-Tendo-san would really throw Ranma out
because I didn't ask Nabiki out, do you?"

"He might.  Certainly you'd never be welcome in this house, again.
C'mon, boy.  You owe to your friend.  You owe it to that poor girl
pining away for you.  You owe it to your country!  Do it for Japan!
Do it for all mankind!"

Akane and Ranma exchanged glances.

"Where did that come from?" wondered Akane.

"Now do you see what I have to live with?  But you probably won't
be welcome in the house if you don't play along at least a little, so
why don't you just do what I told you to do?  It oughta work."

"Listen to my son,"  Genma boasted  "He knows how to attract women,
even if I sometimes wish he'd tone it down a little.  With your looks
and his brain--"

"I'm probably dead meat.  Fine, I'll try it, just to stop you two from
bugging me," Akane conceded.  She couldn't believe that Nabiki was
really hot for "Kaneda" anyway.  She wasn't hot for anyone.  This was
probably just one of those wacky misunderstandings that seemed to
be such a big part of her life these days.

Nabiki was downstairs watching television in a teenager's sprawl.
Akane hesitated at the open doorway, as "his" nerve faltered.  This
was just too perverted, she thought.  There had to be a way out of it.
Suddenly a hand shoved "him" abruptly into the room.  "He" looked
angrily back at Ranma and his father, both of them looking at the
ceiling and whistling nonchalantly.

Nabiki turned her head at the noise and raised an eyebrow.  The cold
reception heartened Akane though, and she stepped forward.  "Excuse
me, Tendo-san, but I'd like to ask you...um...out"

"What!"

Good.  That sounded like shock, or maybe even anger.  Not at all like
interest, much less <gag> love.  Now to make sure, the follow-up blow.
 

"I don't have much money because I'm just a wandering orphan martial
artist, though.  Is that a problem?"  Akane took a step back at the
impassive expression on "his" sister's face.  She wondered whether
that touch had been overkill.

Nabiki's head slowly turned and she looked at the kitchen door.
Kasumi was standing there, wringing her apron nervously as she waited
for Nabiki's response.  Slowly Nabiki began to smile, not her usual
little smirk, but a broad toothy smile filled with delight as she
turned her face back to Akane.  "Why Kaneda, that's no problem
at all.  I'll gladly cover my part of any expenses on our date."

"You...you will?"  Damn!  It had been overkill.  Akane'd driven her
own sister totally insane.  She should have known better than to
follow Ranma's stupid plan.  It was all his fault!  Him and his idiot
of a father!

"Playing hard to get, eh, boy?" Genma complimented Ranma.  "You
really do know how to handle a woman.  Now if you'd just use that
skill on Akane instead of any other girl who wanders by, we'd be set."

Suddenly the table was flung aside as Soun stood up from his hiding
place and declared, "IT'S JUST SO BEAUTIFUL!  What greater sign of
true love has ever been seen?  My daughter is going out on her first
date!"

" I've been out on dates before, Daddy," Nabiki calmly pointed out.
"In fact the Yamazaki brothers--"

"Oh, well they hardly count, do they?" Kasumi said, so gently that it
almost didn't seem like an interruption.  "No point in dwelling on the
distant past.  Perhaps you should settle on a day and time?"

"Tomorrow good for you?" Nabiki asked.

Akane shrugged and gave up.  "Sure."

"See you at seven."

"Whatever."  Akane beat a hasty retreat.  "C'mon, Ranma.  You and me
are going to have a looong chat."

Comments:  Yes, it's short.  They're all short.