Nabiki helpfully translated, "That means, it's you I love.  Well
strictly speaking, it's you she loves."

It was like one of those bad dreams where you try to run away from
the monster but your feet are frozen in place.  "Um, Bei-Deh, you
can't just love someone because they knock you down."

Nabiki continued to be helpful, by saying "True enough.  If that
worked, Ranma would have proposed to Akane months ago."  Meanwhile
the monster continued to advance.

"W-wait I'm-"  The monster pounced.  OK, it was a cute monster, with
long sapphire hair, big dark eyes, wearing a cheong-sam that revealed
it's perfect figure to maximum advantage.  Akane might not have
minded if she'd been a lesbian, and not engaged, and not standing in
front of her sisters and her father who didn't recognise her because
she'd been transformed into a boy, with a fiancee who might wake up
at any moment.  (No, the boy didn't have a fiance, Akane had the
fiance, except the boy was reallAAARGH!).  Assuming of course that
Bie-Deh also wasn't a Chinese Amazon who wasn't planning on
kidnapping her fiancee, and probably "Kaneda", and taking them off to
China to be forcibly married and not to each other.  If Akane was
going to be married against her will, on the whole she preferred to
do it the traditional way and be coerced by her father.  And to a
guy.  Which didn't change the fact that it was a heck of a kiss.  Top
of the Richter scale.  And she could feel Bie-Deh's body... and her
male body was giving her the strangest sensation...  There was a
flash of light...  Someone said "Oh my!"

"AAAAGH!  Get off of me!"  Akane's paralysis suddenly vanished as she
used her considerable physical strength to break her "attacker's"
hold, tossing her metres away.  "Listen, you-you tomboy!  I'm not
gonna marry you, and that's final!"

"Not like Bie-Deh?"  Tears began to well up in the Chinese girl's
eyes.  "Think Bie-Deh ugly?  Bei-Deh be good wife, honest!"

Nabiki snickered, "Why Kaneda, you heartbreaking playboy."

"Nabiki you are not helping!" Akane snapped.  "Listen Bie-Deh, you
aren't ugly but-"

"Oh!" Bie-Deh had started to put her face into her hands but started
up when her bruising came into contact with them.  "Of course Kaneda
not like Bie-Deh look.  Face swelling up!  Bei-Deh heal up, come back
when pretty, give you REAL kiss.  Then Kaneda see!  Bye-bye!" She
jumped fluidly over their rear wall and vanished from sight.

"A...real kiss?"  Akane's skin crawled.  What did this nutcase call a
"real kiss" if that wasn't one?  Akane'd never really been kissed by
a guy.  That little peck by neko-Ranma hardly counted, and kissing
through the tape in front of the audience at a school play counted
even less. Bie-Deh's kiss had been more intimate than she'd ever
imagined.  Mikado was probably a really great kisser, he had enough
practise.  Akane wondered whether that made it even worse for Ranma
when his first kiss had been to his girl form.

"Say, how did you know I wasn't Akane?"  Nabiki enquired as she
tucked away her camera.

Akane shot her a glance, "You made jokes instead of hitting things."
Nabiki looked back at Akane, a calculating expression on her face.
*Kouchi's right.  I can't tell what goes on Nabiki's head.  Right now
I wish I could.  I'd like to know what she intends to do with that
picture.*  Akane turned and picked up Ranma, "Could you show me where
he sleeps?".  *Just let him stay out long enough for me to sneak some
hot water*

"Sure thing.  Say, are you sure you don't want to marry Bie-Deh?
She's awfully cute..."

"She's not my type."  Akane laid Ranma on his futon.  "Could I use
your bathroom before I go?"

"No problem."

*Time for the amazing vanishing Kaneda trick, and hope no one
notices.*  Apparently, no one did.

David Johnston, rgorman@telusplanet.net

Mr Tendo turned to panda-Genma and said, "Well, at least that's one
girl who doesn't seem to pose a threat to The Engagement."  Genma
nodded and growfed.  Neither of them had heard Bie-Deh's threat to
kidnap Ranma for Shampoo.

"Oh dear," added Kasumi.  "I had the impression that Kaneda was
himself engaged to someone.  I hope this doesn't cause too much
trouble.  He seems like such a nice boy."

After quickly changing clothes, Akane, back in girl form, went back
to the room shared by Ranma and his father to check on her fiancee.

"Aw, come on Nabiki.  I would have woke up on my own and you know
it."

"Yes, but I did make you more comfortable, checked you for serious
injuries, and you never know, you might really need help the next
time you get hurt.  But that's OK, I'll just toss it in gratis this
time.  I assume you'll be interested, however, in a rundown on the
name, motives, skill level and personal appearance of your new
enemy?"

"Well yeah, I guess so..."

"Two thousand yen should cover it."

"Nabiki!"  Akane interrupted, with a sudden, ugly premonition.  "You
shouldn't...uh...take advantage of Ranma that way."

"Whence comes this sudden solicitude?"  Nabiki shuddered, "I've got
to spend less time actually listening to Kuno-baby.  All I'm doing is
bartering a little information at bargain prices.  You've never
worried about that before.  And this briefing comes with a visual
aid."  Out came the picture, inevitably.  Ranma looked at it, and the
strangest succession of expressions swept across his face.  Then he
started laughing.  "Kaneda, you're such a pervert."  He reached into
his pockets, took out what money he had (somewhat short of the
theoretical purchase price) and paid Nabiki.

"It wasn't like that!  She just grabbed hold of him and..."

"So you're saying it wasn't his fault that some girl grabbed him?
Kaneda's just a nice guy that this stuff happens to, and his fiance
has nothing to worry about?"

Akane fumed.  For once Ranma had the upper hand and she was on the
defensive.  If he kept it up she was going to slug him on general
principles.  At least SHE never suggested that he might like getting
grabbed by Kuno.  Although she might have made a joke about Mikado...

"Say,", interjected Nabiki.  "How would you know, anyway?  You
weren't even there."

"I was...watching from the window."

The next day...

"Hey, pop.  How 'bout we actually practise in the Dojo this morning"

"What boy, you suddenly afraid of getting _wet_?"  Mr Saotome grabbed
Ranma and tossed him toward the koi pond.  Ranma landed just short of
it.  "I let you take a break from training last night because you
don't risk aggravating joint injuries unless you have to, but today
we have to make up for it.  I think landing in that pool is a great
motivator not to make mistakes, and you've got to expect to get wet
fighting someone named "Mizu".  Now, prepare yourself!"

Genma launched himself at Ranma in a flying kick, but Ranma just lept
up and bounced off his father's body, propelling himself forward, and
Genma into the pond.  "Well, if you insist.  I think it's mating
season for koi, though."  *He's got a curse, I don't, and I'm faster
these days.  I'll just have to be careful or risk blowing Akane's
secret.  I'm in enough trouble with her without giving her that to
blame on me.*

At breakfast, Mr Tendo complimented Ranma, "You were in fine form
today my boy."  Genma-panda growfed in reluctant agreement, somewhat
battered and damp.  Ranma was pretty subdued as he answered,
"Thanks.".  *If we can't put Akane back the way she was, I'm going to
have to win every morning sparring session until someone spills water
on her.  And then Mr Tendo is going to do that demon head thing, no
matter how he finds out.  I hate that.*

<Sploosh>  "Why DOES that old woman do that?" Akane asked.

"You got me." Ranma shrugged.  "She always does it, she never seems
to notice that she's splashing us, or what happens afterward.  I
think it's the curse that makes her do it.  Hey, what are you
doing?!"

"Taking my uniform off.  I don't want people to see me in it this
way.  They'll think I'm a pervert."

"It's better than being naked!  Oh..."  Ranma shut-up when he noticed
Akane was wearing a t-shirt and shorts underneath.  "Say, isn't that
my t-shirt?"

"Yes, I borrowed it from the wash.  You don't mind do you?"

"I guess not.  You know, we should probably tell Dr. Tofu.  He can be
trusted to keep the secret, and he could probably give us some ideas
about how to fix this."

"Well...I guess so."

As Ranma and Akane in male form approached the door to Doctor Tofu's
clinic, Akane stopped dead, as from out of nowhere a girl's body
flowed over her from the rear, hands covering her eyes and legs
wrapped around her mid section.  Akane was uncomfortably aware of the
breasts pressing against her shoulder blades as a pretty voice
spurted, "Nihao, Kaneda.  Guess who?"

*Oh great.  It's the return of the Kawaii Bakemono.  I was hoping I'd
have at least until lunch.  Let's be smarter than Ranma and at least
TRY to talk it out.*  Of course Akane was being unfair.  Ranma did
try to talk things out.  He was just terrible at it.

"Bie-Deh, please get off of me."  Akane said, summoning more
self-control to refrain from violence than she realised she had.

"Kaneda recognise!  Must be love.  Bie-Deh not want Kaneda to see
until bruise all gone."

"Get OFF!"  Fortunately, that euphemism doesn't exist in Japanese or
Chinese, and so could not be misunderstood, since this is NOT a
lemon.

"Bruise gone tonight.  Kaneda go date with Bie-Deh tonight, yes?
Bie-Deh come by six."

"Listen Bie-Deh, I don't-"  The weight was gone, and as Akane turned
all she saw was a splash of blue hair as the girl ran around the
corner.

Ranma clapped.  "Now I see how easy it really is to stop obsessed
girls from bugging me.  You have shown me the -oops!"  He leapt back.

"Anything else to say?" Akane asked as she pulled her fist back for
another try.

"Yeah.  How come you don't hit Bie-Deh instead of me?  You let her
get away with a lot more than you'd ever let me do."

"Well, she's smaller than me, and she cries when I hurt her feelings.
It's...just harder with someone like that, you know?"

"Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.  Welcome to the life of a guy."

"I'm NOT a guy!"  As the two of them went inside, Ranma replied,
"Maybe, but that curse is probably teaching you more than you wanted
to know about what it's like to be one."

They were greeted as they came in by Doctor Tofu, "Hello Ranma, who's
your friend?  He looks...sort of familiar.  A Tendo relative?"

"Hi, Doctor Tofu.  Can we borrow some hot water?"

"You don't mean...?"

"Yeah."  As Ranma responded, Akane just blushed and looked at the
ground.  *This is so humiliating.*  After Akane changed back, they
filled in Doctor Tofu while Akane slipped her uniform back on over
the T-shirt and athletic shorts.

And since Ranma wouldn't have been shocked or disgusted or even
angered by the simple sight of a picture of a girl embracing his old
school chum, and there was something wrong with an old school chum of
Ranma's showing up for any reason except to attack him or marry
him...

"Here's the receipts from the fiance lottery, boss"  Nabiki
automatically counted and gave her people their cuts.  It was her
latest inspiration, a betting pool which focused on which of Ranma's
fiances would attack each other each week.

Kaneda had to be a fraud.  How dare they talk over Nabiki's head when
she was in the room?  Nabiki had suspected last night, but assumed
that it was the result of hi-jinks with something like Instant
Nannichuan, nothing to worry about.  But this morning, Ranma was
awfully reluctant to get wet, a prospect to which he had long become
innured.  That implied that there was something to worry about.  But
she had to be sure.

She motioned Kouchi over, ignoring Kentaro's grimace at this sign of
partiality, "Oh, Kouchi, could you do me a little favour?"  She kept
her voice low for discretion's sake, and honestly had no idea how
intimate the two of them looked as Kouchi replied,"As ever, your wish
is my command...once you tell what's in it for me."

"I thought you were in love with me?" Nabiki asked, looking hurt.

"In love, yes.  That doesn't mean stupid."  Nabiki glanced over at
Kuno, and Kouchi responded, "Doesn't count.  He was stupid from the
start."

"That isn't funny, Ranma!"  Akane had been doing her best to forget
the obsessed chinese girl after her new male identity, without much
success.

"Maybe, but she's still going to show up tonight expecting you to
show her a good time.  How're you gonna handle it?"

"Maybe we could just tell her 'Kaneda' doesn't live there?"

"That could buy you some time, I guess.  Of course then she'll be mad
at you for standing her up and when she catches up with you, she'll
either hurt you or cry or both."

"Who says she'll catch up with me?  All I have to do is keep from
turning into a boy long enough to...-ite!"  Akane was interrupted by
a watering pot which bounced off her head, drenching her in the
process.  She rubbed her head and glared up at the apartment building
they were passing before pulling her uniform dress off again to
reveal the masculine t-shirt and shorts beneath.

Ranma grinned, "You wanna finish that thought?"

"Well, what are the odds that-"

"Nihao, Kaneda!"  Bie-Deh called out cheerfully as she rode past on a
bicycle, holding up a shopping bag for Akane to see.  "Bie-Deh buy
clothses for tonight!  See you after!"  The bag bore the emblem of a
store that Akane wished she had the money to shop at.

Akane groaned, then glared at Ranma, who was doing a poor job of
hiding his amusement.  He spread his hands in apology and said, "Look
on the bright side.  At least she hasn't started crashing her bicycle
into you to get your attention."

Akane grinned ruefully, and said, "Ranma, could I borrow that red and
black chinese outfit of yours tonight?."

As they headed toward Doctor Tofu's, a lawn sprinkler set too close
to the sidewalk suddenly came alive, spraying Akane, whose larger
size shielded Ranma from the spray.  "Huhn," he commented.  "I'm not
used to being this dry all day."

"I'm already transformed, so why did that happen?", Akane complained.
"I hope I don't catch a cold."

"I never did."

"Yes, but you have a really disgusting constitution."

Ranma winced a little, and pleaded, "Could ya talk a little less like
a girl when you're like that?"

"Oh yes, like you ever bother to talk like a girl when you're one,
except to con people."

"It's different with me."  Ranma had a sinking feeling that he
shouldn't have opened his mouth.  Not an unfamiliar sensation, of
course.

"What?  What makes it so different for you?"  Akane snarled,
clenching her fists.

"Er, I dunno.  Say!  Here we are at Doctor Tofu's, so you can change
back.  That's lucky!"

Doctor Tofu was as friendly as always, and his manner always had a
mellowing effect on Akane, "I'm sorry Akane, but this a little beyond
my expertise.  All I can say, is that since Mizu could manipulate the
curse so easily, and for no obvious personal gain, he probably isn't
human, and is what his name implies;  a powerful water spirit.
Expecting to defeat him in personal combat is probably unreasonable,
Ranma."

Ranma cracked his knuckles as he pondered, *Everyone has a weakness.
If I can use Mizu's...*

As Ranma led the way out of the clinic, a passing roller blader gave
him a cute smile, and started skating backwards, as she called out,
"Say, you remind me of my old sempai.  Did you...whoops!".  She
tripped and her Giant Economy Cup flew out of her hand, the screw-on
lid coming loose as it flew forward to drench --who else-- Akane.

"Aaah!  I've had it!"  Akane snarled.  "Mizu is doing this on purpose
and it's all your fault, Ranma!"  She stomped homeward, Ranma
following at a cautious distance.

Behind them, Kouchi stripped off his disguise as he commented to
himself, "Drat!  I missed again.  This is turning into a tougher job
than I figured.  Who would have thought getting Ranma Saotome wet
would be so difficult?  And who's that guy with him?"