Ranma ½ -- A Deadly Choice

Epilogue: For Better or for Curse

Doctor Tofu knocked on the gate of the Tendo residence. "Hello! I’m here!"

Akane opened the gate. "Please come in, Doctor Tofu. I’m so glad you made it."

"Sorry if I’m a bit late," said Doctor Tofu. "I had to take care of a few last-minute patients before I could get here. I don’t usually make house calls."

"I know. Thank you for coming." Akane led Doctor Tofu into the front yard, where Ryoga, Shampoo, Cologne, Ukkyo, Nabiki, Soun, Genma, and Happosai were all gathered around Ranma.

"Ah. It’s just as I thought," said Doctor Tofu, bending down to examine Ranma.

"What is it?" asked Ranma.

"I have no idea." Doctor Tofu adjusted his glasses. "I’m afraid I don’t know very much about Jusenkyo curses. I can’t say anything about this condition."

"How it happened doesn’t matter," said Akane. "The question is, can you do anything about it?"

"Perhaps," said Doctor Tofu. "You’ve supplied the necessary ingredients, right?"

"I’ve got the hot water," said Nabiki.

"And I’ve got the cold," said Ukkyo.

"All right," said Doctor Tofu. "Try pouring the hot water on him."

"We’ve tried that," said Ranma. "It’s no good."

"I just want to see what happens."

"Sure thing," said Nabiki, pouring the water onto Ranma’s head.

"See?" asked Ranma as the water ran over his clothes and onto the ground. "Nothing happened."

"That’s exactly how it would appear, to the untrained eye," said Doctor Tofu.

"Well, what did you see?" asked Akane.

"Nothing," replied Doctor Tofu. "My eye is as untrained as yours."

"Hey! That’s too cold!" shouted Ranma as Ukkyo poured some of her water onto his head. "What did you do that for?"

Ukkyo shrugged. "I couldn’t let Nabiki have all the fun."

"But there’s ice in it!"

"Hold it a minute," said Doctor Tofu. "I’ve got an idea. Hot water only affects Ranma’s female side, and cold water only affects the male side, right? So what happens if we pour both temperatures at the same time, on the corresponding halves?"

Nabiki and Ukkyo raised their pitchers simultaneously and poured the water. When it was done, Ranma looked down at himself. "Nothing happened," he said.

"No, something happened all right," replied Nabiki. "I poured water on your girl half, and now I’m standing next to your guy half."

"She’s right," said Ukkyo. "Your halves have switched, Ranma honey. But I liked being with the guy side better."

"He may have changed, but he’s still half girl," said Akane. "This isn’t getting us anywhere."

"I wouldn’t say that," said Doctor Tofu. "Try doing it again. I have another idea. This time, stop pouring when I tell you to."

Nabiki and Ukkyo shrugged and switched sides. They raised their pitchers and poured again. As the water ran down his body, Ranma felt the change begin once again. Just as he reached the halfway point, Doctor Tofu shouted, "Stop pouring now!" As the girls stopped pouring, a powerful spray of cold water hit Ranma in the face. When the spray ended, he opened his eyes to see Doctor Tofu standing in front of him, holding the garden hose. "So, Ranma," he asked. "How does it feel to be back to normal?"

"Normal?" Ranma grabbed her chest and felt the two familiar shapes under her blouse. "I don’t believe it! It worked! I’m a girl! I’m a girl!" She threw her arms around Doctor Tofu. "Thank you so much, Doctor Tofu! How did you do it?"

"It was nothing, really," said Doctor Tofu. "When I saw that water poured in the appropriate way could still trigger the change, all we needed to do was provide the proper stimulus to finish that change the way we wanted. Once the change was started, the cold water forced both sides to become female."

"You’re so brilliant, Doctor Tofu," said Akane.

"Meow!" said Shampoo. Ranma screamed and jumped onto Doctor Tofu’s head.

The front door opened. "What’s all the commotion?" asked Kasumi. "Oh, nobody told me Doctor Tofu was coming over! Hello, Doctor!"

"K- Kasumi!" Doctor Tofu’s glasses glazed over, and he fell flat on his face, throwing Ranma right on top of Shampoo. Ranma screamed again and ran, smashing a hole in the garden wall in her effort to escape.

"Ranma honey, wait for me!" shouted Ukkyo, chasing after her.

"Meow!" shouted Shampoo, following close behind.

Cologne chuckled. "Those crazy kids..."

Azusa peered into the yard through the hole in the wall. "Hello? Where’s the TV crew? Am I too early?"

"I told you it was a lie," said Mikado. "But you didn’t listen to me."

"Oh, look!" shouted Azusa. "Charlotte’s here!" P-chan’s ears perked up, and he quickly darted under Azusa’s legs and escaped. "Charlotte, come back!"

"Excuse us," said Mikado with a bow. "I’ll return later, Akane. I promise."

"Great," said Akane. "I’ll be waiting." She looked around. "Say, did anyone see where Ryoga went?"

"He probably went chasing after Ranma with the others," said Nabiki.

Tatewaki and Kodachi Kuno stepped in through the hole in the wall. "Where is my darling Ranma?" asked Kodachi. "I must show him my eternal gratitude for saving me from that demon."

Akane pointed to the hole. "He went that way."

"Ranma darling, wait for me!" shouted Kodachi. She cleared her throat, misted it with breath spray, then chased after Ranma with huge leaps. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"What joy to see thy countenance again, Akane Tendo!" shouted Kuno, throwing his arms around Akane. "Show me your true feelings, now that I have eyes to see again!" Akane kicked him.

Soun sighed. "At least things are back to normal. Or as close as they ever were, at any rate."

Razor leapt over the wall. "Ranma going did which way?" Genma pointed toward the hole in the wall. "You thanking I," said Razor. He stared at Genma. "Quite intelligent being this panda." He shrugged and ran in the direction opposite that Genma had indicated.

"My goodness, that’s not the right way," said Kasumi. Genma shook his head.

"THINGS ARE NEVER AS NORMAL AS THEY SEEM."

Happosai nodded. "Life is like a can of worms. Once opened, by the time you get it closed again, things are a lot more complicated than they were before."

"I don’t see what that has to do with worms, master," said Soun.

Happosai considered this. "Let me try again. Life is like a brassiere..."

"Exactly," interrupted Nabiki. "You’ve got a lot more of it than anybody deserves."

"Good one!" cheered Soun.

"WAY TO TELL HIM!" agreed Genma.

Happosai threw Soun and Genma over the wall. "Is that how you treat your master?" He turned to Nabiki. "And you, Nabiki! You break your grandfather’s heart!"

"Heart?" asked Cologne. "I didn’t think you had one of those, Happi."

"Et tu, Cologne?" Happosai leapt at Akane and buried his face in her chest. "Akane, you’re the only one who really understands me!"

"I understand you all right!" shouted Akane. "You’re a pervert!" She kicked him over the wall. "Where’s that demon summoning book when I really need it?"

"Back to normal is an understatement," said Nabiki. "This is a little TOO normal..."