Ranma ½ -- A Deadly Choice

Chapter 10: A Hostage in Cologne’s Kitchen: The Demon Revealed

"Be careful with that doll!" shouted Hikaru. "It’s very delicate!"

"You can have it back as soon as you tell me where Akane is."

"Why do you want to know..."

"Just shut up and tell me where she is!"

"You know that it won’t do you any good if I tell you."

"I didn’t ask for your opinion!" shouted the intruder, brandishing a fist. "Just tell me already!"

"She’s at the Cat Café," replied Hikaru quickly.

"Thank you," said Ryoga. He handed Hikaru the doll and left the room.

*************************************************

Cologne looked up as Ranma entered the kitchen of the Cat Café with a large bundle on his shoulder. "Hello, son-in-law. What a surprise to see you here."

Ranma dropped Shampoo and Razor on the floor. "I know you’re up to something, old ghoul! Your act’s not fooling anyone!"

Akane burst through the door and dropped Mousse beside the other Amazons. "You’ve gone too far this time, Cologne! You’ve got to call the demon off!"

"I would love to do that," said Cologne. "But I can’t. I do not control the demon that’s kidnapping girls."

"Nice try," said Ranma. "But Shampoo even admitted that it was under your control."

"It’s not under my control," explained Cologne. "I didn’t want to have to do this, but you leave me with no choice. There’s only one way to earn your trust, and that is with honesty." Cologne grabbed a ladle of water and splashed it on Razor and Shampoo. Ranma stepped back, but Shampoo remained human. Razor’s body, however, began to emit black smoke, which formed a cloud that completely obscured him from view. The ropes fell through the cloud, which rose up and swirled threateningly.

"Me defeating did Ranma?" asked the cloud.

"I’m afraid so," said Cologne.

"Razor’s the demon?" shouted Akane.

"He’s not THE demon," clarified Cologne. "He is, however, a demon in his cursed form."

"Cursed form?" asked Ranma. "But that water was warm!"

"Razor is demon?" asked Shampoo. "Why you not tell me this, great-grandmother?"

Cologne bowed her head. "Perhaps I should start at the beginning.

"Many years ago, shortly after Razor’s birth, he intruded upon a sacred ceremony being held by a competing tribe. The exact details of the ceremony are a closely guarded secret known only to the tribe’s elders. As a punishment for his intrusion, Razor was placed under a curse such that from that day forward, everything he tried to do would turn out backwards.

"Razor’s backwards nature quickly became a handicap to our tribe. In intertribal contests, Razor would consistently lose unless ordered to lose. But giving such an order would reflect poorly on our tribe, as would the fact that it would appear not to have been followed. Thus it was that we decided unanimously that a cure for the curse must be found.

"We’d heard tales from intrepid treasure hunters of a cave deep in China’s darkest mountains that held unimaginable treasures, each with its own horrific curse. One of these treasures was a knife which, when touched by an uncursed person, would kill that person instantly. However, if touched by a cursed person, the curse would be lifted as long as the knife was in contact with him. We quickly wrote a set of backwards directions and sent Razor on his way to retrieve the knife and remove his curse.

"Razor managed to reach the cave and find the knife. The instructions, written forward from that point on, instructed him to return to the tribe without touching anything else within the cave. However, he found a certain urn to his liking and tried to take it. This released a demon whose sole purpose was to destroy the one who had disturbed the treasures of the cave.

"Razor fled the demon, running for three days until he came to a place filled with many pools of water. He dove into one of the pools, and the demon followed him. Once the demon was weakened by the water, Razor managed to overpower the demon and force it to dissipate.

"The guide of the Jusenkyo training ground brought him back to our tribe and explained the situation to us." Cologne adopted a fake accent, mimicking the Jusenkyo guide perfectly. "‘This one fall in Moguinichuan, Spring of Drowned Demon,’ he said. ‘There story of Moguinichuan, but story is not tragic. Very uplifting story. About two day ago, there young man who lure demon to death in spring. Now anyone who fall in spring take body of a demon.’ However, the guide was baffled because Razor remained human even when splashed by cold water. We quickly figured out that the knife had failed to undo the reversal curse, and that Razor’s curse is in fact reversed. Hot water turns him into his cursed form, and cold water turns him back.

"As for why the knife didn’t remove the curse, we discovered that its magic only lifts curses that have to do with knives. Any task having to do with knives, Razor can complete normally, but other tasks will be completely backwards. Hence he spent many years from that day forward learning to master the art of the knife. He can do most things using knives in some way, thus circumventing the backwards curse."

"I’m happy for him," said Ranma. "So why is he kidnapping girls?"

"Girls kidnapping not I!" protested Razor. "Them kidnapping other demon!"

"You expect us to believe that?" asked Ranma. "What are the odds of there being two demons in the city at the same time?"

"It’s true, son-in-law," said Cologne. "Razor’s orders were to watch you at all times and kidnap you once each day to bring you here, although I had to tell him to carry you as far from here as possible, because of the curse. The missing girls have nothing to do with my plans for you."

"What plans would those be, exactly?" asked Ranma.

"Listen to this," said Cologne, pulling a cassette player out of her pocket. She pressed the PLAY button and turned the volume up.

"The key to assertiveness is remaining calm," said the monotone voice from the cassette player. "Losing one’s temper leads to irrational behavior and violence, while a calm person can effectively choose the best words to get the point across."

"What is that?" asked Akane. "It sounds familiar."

"This is the audiobook recording of Benjamin Egrul’s ‘How to be More Assertive,’" replied Cologne. "I’ve been subjecting Ranma to subliminal education each day, then erasing his conscious memory afterward so that the training remains."

"That’s why he’s been acting so aggressive lately!" said Akane. "He’s been acting more assertive without realizing it!"

Cologne nodded. "This method is one of the most effective known. Even reading one chapter can make anyone more assertive. It was my hope that Ranma’s assertiveness would lead him to choose a fiancée who would treat him the way he deserves to be treated – Shampoo."

"Shampoo job to distract you while Razor kidnap Ranma," added Shampoo. "Shampoo no could do that yesterday because hot water vanish." She glared at Razor, who swirled eerily. "Akane see Razor, then him have to kidnap Akane too."

"It all makes sense now," said Akane, "except for one thing."

"What not make sense?" asked Shampoo.

"Everything! It’s a stupid plan that would never work!"

"It’s a SUBTLE plan," corrected Cologne. "Its beauty was that no one could possibly have suspected its true nature until the damage was done and you had broken up with Ranma permanently."

Akane crossed her arms. "If it’s such a brilliant plan, why are you telling us about it?"

"Because I need you to believe that Razor is not the one who is kidnapping Ranma’s fiancées. Shampoo is in just as much danger as you are, and we need Ranma’s help to protect her."

"I still think you’re lying," protested Akane. "What do you think, Ranma?"

"That name sounds so familiar..." replied Ranma distractedly.

Akane smacked Ranma in the head. "Haven’t you been paying attention at all?"

"You don’t have to hit me, Akane," replied Ranma calmly.

"It is unfortunate for us that this other demon has appeared at this time," said Cologne. "It has thrown our carefully crafted plan into chaos and forced me to tip my hand early."

"Well, the plan’s over now," said Ranma. "Return the missing girls."

"I told you, son-in-law, my plan was only to give you the assertiveness you needed to break your engagement with Akane! The demon that is kidnapping those girls has nothing to do with me!"

Ranma pointed his thumb at Razor. "You think I can’t tell one formless black cloud from another? This thing attacked me last night and swallowed Ukkyo!"

"On you spying did I," said Razor. "Girls kidnapping not did I!"

"Shampoo believe great-grandmother. Shampoo scared."

"Or maybe you’re just pretending to be scared," put in Akane.

"I see it now," said Ranma. "You pretend to disclose your brilliant plan so that I’ll have to try to protect Shampoo, so you can grab Akane from under my nose!"

"I have done what I can to convince you," said Cologne. "If you don’t believe me now, then I won’t be able to change your mind by talking. It will take action."

"No!" shouted Ranma. "I’m through with being manipulated! Akane, we’re leaving."

"Razor, get Akane out of here!" ordered Cologne. Razor flowed in front of the kitchen door, blocking the exit.

"I can’t fight him like that!" said Ranma, grabbing the ladle from the pot of ramen on the stove and hurling the hot liquid at Razor. The ramen passed right through Razor and soaked the door.

"Ranma, the curse is reversed, remember?" Akane reminded him. "You’ll have to use cold water!"

Ranma grabbed a bucket and held it under the sink tap. "There’s no cold water tap on this thing!" he shouted. "It’s permanently set to hot!"

"Of course," replied Cologne calmly. "All we use that sink for is washing dishes."

A tendril of black mist snaked out from Razor’s body and wrapped itself around Akane’s wrist. "In my clutches you having now I!"

Akane tugged at her trapped hand, but Razor’s apparently insubstantial grip held her firmly. "Ranma, help me!" she screamed.

"I’ve got an idea!" shouted Ranma, turning on the hot water tap.

"What are you doing?" asked Akane. "You know hot water’s no good!"

"Just shut up and watch!" yelled Ranma, grabbing a handful of silverware and dumping it into the half-full bucket. In one smooth motion, he lifted the bucket out of the sink and hurled its contents onto Razor. The utensils passed right through the cloud without effect, but the water splashed all over Razor, returning his body instantly to its normal form.

"Very interesting," remarked Cologne. "Hot water with knives in it..."

Razor brought his arm up, still firmly clutching Akane’s wrist. With his free hand, he grabbed a knife from within his robe and held the blade against Akane’s throat. "If any movement making you, her killing I!"

"No way!" Ranma swung his foot at Razor’s head, but the Amazon ducked and pressed his blade into Akane’s skin. A stream of blood ran down her neck as the blade sliced its way into her flesh. "No!" shouted Ranma.

"Razor!" shouted Shampoo. "What you do? You not supposed to kill her!"

Ranma’s battle aura flared. "You’ll pay for that! I swear it!" Ranma’s fist was a blur as it moved toward Razor’s face. Razor raised his knife to block, but Ranma’s fist passed right through the blade and pounded Razor. Ranma caught Akane before she hit the ground and shoved his way past the dazed Amazon and out the door.

"Oh! He getting away!" shouted Shampoo. "I go after him!"

"No, dear," said Cologne, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Let him go. We will gain nothing by chasing after him now." She glared at Razor. "You’ve really messed things up this time, Razor."

Razor bowed his head. "Sorry."

*************************************************

Hikaru shut the book noisily. "That’s what I was doing wrong!" he exclaimed. "The thread on the doll’s back should be silk, not cotton! No wonder my luck has been so poor whenever Akane comes around!" He carefully cut the thread from the Akane doll’s back with a pair of scissors. "Now, how to attach a silk thread to the doll without harming Akane?"

The door slammed open and a familiar figure entered the room. "Where is Akane Tendo?"

Hikaru sighed deeply. "I told you it wouldn’t help if I told you where she was."

"Shut up!" shouted Ryoga. "Don’t make fun of me just because I get lost!"

"I wasn’t making fun of you," replied Hikaru. "I simply said that no matter what directions I give you for finding Akane, you won’t be able to find her by yourself."

Ryoga turned his face to the ceiling. "Why? Why must I be cursed with this horrible sense of direction? Why can I never find Akane when I need to?"

"Why do you always talk to yourself?" added Hikaru helpfully.

"I didn’t ask for your opinion!" snapped Ryoga. Then, he calmed down. "Say, that doll you have there... it looks a little like Akane."

Hikaru pretended to study the doll carefully. "You know what? You may be right."

Ryoga grabbed the doll from Hikaru. "There’s a big hole in the neck. It looks like the doll is bleeding."

"Is it?" shrieked Hikaru. "Quickly, give it to me!" He jammed the white pin into the doll’s neck. "That should help keep her from bleeding to death before I can sew the doll up."

"‘Her?’" asked Ryoga. "You’d think that doll was the real Akane, the way you talk about it." He looked at the book on the desk in front of Hikaru. "‘Popular Voodoo Recipes Volume 4: The Mechanics of the Voodoo Doll?’" He stared at the doll. "This is a voodoo doll, isn’t it?"

Hikaru wiped the sweat from his brow. "Well... in a manner of speaking..."

"Manner of speaking nothing!" shouted Ryoga, taking back the doll. "It has to be! Why did you slice its neck?"

"I didn’t," replied Hikaru. "Someone must have attacked the real Akane, and her injury was inflicted upon the doll also."

"So whatever happens to Akane happens to the doll?"

Hikaru nodded. "And whatever happens to the doll happens to Akane. That’s why you have to be careful with it." He reached for the doll, but Ryoga held it out of reach.

"Then if I kiss the doll, I’ll really be kissing Akane?"

"I suppose so. But..." Before Hikaru could protest, Ryoga held the doll up in front of his face and puckered up. His lips covered the doll’s face completely as he smooched it for all he was worth.

*************************************************

Akane’s limp body shifted in Ranma’s arms as he ran, and she slowly wrapped her arms around Ranma’s shoulders. Ranma sat down, carefully resting Akane’s back on his knees. "Akane, are you all right?" he asked, wiping the blood from her throat with the tail of his gi.

"I feel fine," she whispered, still weak from the loss of blood. "Why did you attack Razor?"

"I guess I wasn’t thinking too clearly," said Ranma. "I couldn’t stand the thought of him holding you hostage like that. I thought I could knock him out before he could hurt you."

"Did he hurt you?" asked Akane.

"Nah," said Ranma. "He never touched me."

"That’s good." Akane looked up at Ranma’s face. "Your eyes are shining, Ranma."

"You’re babbling," said Ranma. "You lost a lot of blood. We should get you to Doctor Tofu’s right away."

"I told you, I’m fine," said Akane as she pushed herself into a sitting position on Ranma’s lap. "Let’s just sit here for a while longer." She clasped her hands behind Ranma’s back. "You were really brave back there."

"Yeah, I guess I was, wasn’t I?"

Akane nodded. "For a second there, I thought I was really going to die. I thought I was going to die and never get the chance to tell you how I really felt about you."

"What do you mean?" asked Ranma, trying to back away. Akane pressed her lips to Ranma’s, silencing his protest. Ranma was too surprised to react at first, but felt himself responding before his brain had fully grasped the situation. He was finally kissing Akane, and it was wonderful.

Suddenly, Akane pushed Ranma away and stood up, backing away. "Ew!" she shouted, wiping her mouth on her sleeve. "That was so disgusting!"

"Hey!" shouted Ranma. "You started it!"

"It felt like my entire face was being slobbered on!" continued Akane, oblivious to Ranma’s voice in her own disgust.

"All right, fine!" shouted Ranma. "If that’s the way you want to be, then I don’t care! We’re through!" He stormed off toward the Tendo dojo.

"Wait, Ranma!" shouted Akane. "The kiss was great, really it was! I don’t know what happened to..." But Ranma was already gone. Tears welled up in Akane’s eyes, and she sat down on the bench and cried, the horrible feeling of Ryoga’s lips fading from her face but not from her memory. Cologne’s plan had worked after all.