Ranma ½ -- A Deadly Choice

Chapter 5: Botsuzento Martial Arts is Akane’s Specialty

Hikaru Gosunkugi climbed slowly up the ladder, beaming with pride about his latest work. The doll was an exact copy of Akane, no doubt about that; in fact, it was a far greater likeness than his usual work. His new book of voodoo recipes had taught him that it was possible to create a voodoo doll out of photographs of the target, as long as a large enough supply was available. And nobody had a larger collection than Gosunkugi...

"‘To receive a visit from somebody, hang the voodoo doll above the door through which that person will enter,’" he quoted, slipping the loop of string on the doll’s back over the nail that he had strategically hammered into the wall above the front door. "Then, this white pin in the doll’s heart will make Akane fall instantly in love with me!"

The doorbell rang. "Akane? Is that you?" he asked tentatively, staring at the doll in disbelief. He hadn’t expected it to work quite that quickly...

"That’s right. Can we come in?" Amazing! His plan had worked! Hikaru grabbed the doll from above the door and prepared to ram the pin home. Something was a little bit suspicious, though...

"Did you say ‘we?’ Who else is there with you?"

"Ranma and Kuno. We need to ask you some questions."

"Hold on just a minute!" Hikaru cast about for a place to hide the doll.

The door opened roughly, slamming into Hikaru’s ladder and knocking him to the floor. "Enough of this game!" shouted Kuno, attempting to force his way through the partially opened door. "Where is my sister!"

"Just hold on, Kuno!" shouted Akane’s voice. "We’re here to ask for help, not make accusations."

Hikaru clutched the doll and cast about for the pin while his visitors argued. It wasn’t on the floor, and it hadn’t ended up in his hand. But it couldn’t have just vanished into thin air. It had to be somewhere... He stared despondently at the doll. There, sticking right out of the stomach, was the pin. He grabbed it and pulled, but the pin refused to budge.

"Open the door, Gosunkugi!" shouted Ranma. "Don’t leave us waiting outside!"

Hikaru pushed the ladder aside with one hand, holding the doll behind his back with the other. "The door will open now. Please enter." The motley group moved into the foyer, looking around at the various voodoo paraphernalia that adorned the walls. "What can I do for you?"

"We’re looking for-" began Ranma, but Kuno held up a hand to interrupt him.

"I smell a baked delicacy on the premises," said Kuno, sniffing the air. "I would taste of it."

Ranma took a whiff. "Yeah, something does smell pretty good. Did you bake cookies?"

Hikaru sighed. "I hadn’t really expected company, but you can feel free to have some cookies if you’d like. They’re in the kitchen." He pointed with his free hand, but Ranma and Kuno had already started in that direction, dragging Hikaru along with them.

Kuno sniffed carefully at the tray of cookies. "Having dealt with you before, I know better than to eat from your hand, Gosunkugi." He grabbed a cookie at random and handed it to Hikaru. "Eat this one. That will show us that they are safe for us to eat.

Hikaru shrugged and took a bite of the cookie. It wouldn’t have any effect on him, naturally. The formula was carefully tailored to female biochemistry. He’d had to borrow some ingredients from Cologne, and Kodachi Kuno had furnished the rest, but it had been worth the trouble to get a true-love inducing potion, one that could transcend the usual lust and cause feelings of true desire for him in any woman who tasted one of the cookies. "Mmm," he said. Ranma and Kuno accepted the gesture and dug in. Hikaru finished the cookie and turned to Akane. "W-won’t you have any?" he asked, gripping the doll hard in his suddenly sweaty hands.

"No thanks," said Akane, rubbing her stomach. "I feel pleasantly full right now. It’s strange, because I didn’t get to eat breakfast this morning."

"That’s a shame," said Hikaru, tugging madly at the pin behind his back. Curse his luck! "I baked them specially for you."

Akane’s eyes narrowed. "I thought you weren’t expecting company."

Hikaru thought quickly. "I was planning to give them to you... after school!" he finished, quite pleased with himself. However, Akane seemed even more perplexed.

"Better check your calendar, Hikaru. School’s been out for almost three weeks now."

"Has it? No wonder my classes seemed so easy!" quipped Hikaru, chuckling a bit at his own joke. "Please excuse me." He dashed to the study and threw open his book of voodoo recipes. "Here it is: Once placed, the pin cannot be removed without the aid of the special voodoo wax, due to the high power of the incantation." Hikaru grabbed the jar of voodoo wax he’d prepared for just such an emergency and rubbed a small drop onto the head of the pin. This time, the pin slid out easily, and he raced back to the kitchen to renew his offer to Akane.

"You pigs! You ate them all!" Akane admonished the boys as Hikaru reached the kitchen. "I was just starting to get hungry, too!"

Ranma shrugged. "You snooze, you lose. Besides, you could afford to shed a few pounds."

"How dare you speak that way to Akane Tendo!" shouted Kuno.

"Yeah, how dare you!" echoed Akane.

Hikaru took a deep breath and suppressed his rage. "Was there something you wanted to ask me?" he asked in as civil a tone as he could manage. The visitors quickly told Hikaru the story, and his interest began to build as Kuno described his impression of the demon. "Well, I think I might be willing to help you with this demon," he said once they had finished their story. "I’ll need to do some heavy research."

"See that you find the information we seek quickly, Gosunkugi," warned Kuno, "or I shall be forced to pound you as flat as an okonomiyaki."

Ranma stiffened. "What time is it?" he asked.

Hikaru checked his watch. "It’s five minutes to noon. Why?"

"Ukkyo will pound ME flat if I’m late!" shouted Ranma, bolting for the door.

"Wait, Ranma!" shouted Akane, following close behind.

"Akane, I would date with you while Ranma flirts elsewhere!" called Kuno, chasing the others.

"What a weird bunch," Hikaru mumbled to himself as he headed back to the study. He grabbed his copy of "Body Snatchers" from the shelf and began to read. He’d find out about the demon, all right, and he might even tell Akane and her friends what he’d learned. But he had a loftier goal in mind than retrieving what the demon had stolen. Imagine what he could do once he learned how to control the demon himself...

*************************************************

Kuno kept Ranma and Akane in his sights as long as he could until he was jerked backward to a halt by a strong hand on his shoulder. He whirled on his assailant.

"Easy, Kuno," said Ryoga. "I’m not here to pick a fight."

"This fight has picked you," said Kuno, drawing his bokken. "While you delay, Akane Tendo has escaped from my sight!"

"Relax. She’s not your type anyway."

"Such a remark wounds me far more deeply than any blow!" shouted Kuno, pressing the blade against Ryoga’s throat. Ryoga didn’t even flinch.

"It’s not you, Kuno. It’s her. She just doesn’t have eyes for you. Now, the pigtailed girl..."

"Ah, yes," said Kuno, lowering his bokken. "My beloved goddess. She cares not that I exist, yet I would die for her in an instant!"

"I don’t think that will be necessary," said Ryoga. "She’s probably just jealous because you keep chasing after Akane."

"My poor red-haired goddess feels betrayed!" shouted Kuno, holding the sides of his head in dismay. "How I pine for her! How I feel her sorrow!"

"Cut the gab, Kuno. You’re not going to get both of them, and you’re not going to get Akane. Does that suggest any courses of action to you?"

Kuno stared Ryoga in the eye and nodded slowly. "No."

Ryoga’s temper finally got the better of him, and he planted his elbow in the back of Kuno’s skull. "Don’t you ever understand anything? You’ll never get Akane no matter what you do, but the pigtailed girl might still be within your reach!"

"Then, I must increase my efforts to win her heart." He squinted at Ryoga. "But what does my quest for the pigtailed girl’s heart have to do with you?"

Ryoga clenched his fist as if to hold in the emotions that threatened to burst from his chest. "I also seek to win Akane’s heart, but she doesn’t see me as a potential fiancé... yet. All I want is to take her on a single date so that she can begin to learn to love me. But I know that if I ask her, she will refuse." He pointed dramatically at Kuno. "I want you to tell me how I can convince Akane to go out with me!"

"Why would I do that?" returned Kuno. "Why would I betray Akane thus?"

"Because," said Ryoga with a grin, "I can tell you how to get the pigtailed girl."

Kuno weighed the alternatives. "So you propose that I give up my pursuit of Akane, in return for which you will tell me how to convince the pigtailed girl to date with me?"

"That’s exactly what I propose."

Kuno tossed his head. "The secret is simple. All you must do to date Akane Tendo is to defeat her in combat. No student of Furinkan High School has yet succeeded, which is why she remains eligible."

Ryoga shook his head. "If I beat her in a fight, she’ll hate me!"

"Nonetheless, I have provided the information you require. Now, tell me how to date the pigtailed girl!" Ryoga started to protest, but Kuno’s words had sparked an idea. He smiled.

"Sure thing, but I warn you, it’s your funeral." Ryoga laughed out loud. "You see, the pigtailed girl has a little... secret..."

*************************************************

"One large okonomiyaki!" said Ukkyo with a smile as she placed the order on the table. As soon as she turned, however, that smile became a dark scowl. "Where is that Ranma?" As she made her way back to the kitchen, the front door opened and Ranma and Akane stumbled in. Ranma had a black eye, and Akane’s arm was wrapped with a bloody bandage. She leaned heavily on Ranma’s shoulder, favoring her left leg. Ukkyo’s temper waned as she helped the pair to a booth. "What happened to you two?"

"I don’t know," said Ranma. "I was about to be late for lunch, so I ran straight here from Gosunkugi’s place. Halfway here, I woke up outside the Cat Café, and Akane was right next to me."

"There’s definitely something going on at that restaurant," said Ukkyo. "I have a feeling that that’s where you’ll find Kodachi."

Ranma nodded. "But if Cologne is the one controlling the demon that kidnapped Kodachi, I want to wait until I know what I’m up against before I rush in headfirst."

Akane blinked. "That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you decide to work out a plan before tackling Cologne. Are you sure you’re feeling okay?"

"No. Something’s wrong, but I don’t know what it is. I know I’m acting weird, but it just makes so much sense to act this way. I can’t even believe that there was ever a time when I would have directly opposed Cologne in a situation like this without a plan."

Ukkyo placed her hands on her hips. "Maybe Cologne’s managed to deprive you of your hot-headedness."

"But why would she do that?" asked Akane.

Ukkyo shrugged. "Maybe she figures that once Ranma gets over his anger at Shampoo, he’ll want to marry her."

"But the same could go for me," said Akane. "Although he seems to be angrier at me lately..."

"Can we discuss this over some food?" asked Ranma. "I’m kinda hungry after all the running we’ve done today."

"And I didn’t get to have breakfast!" put in Akane.

"Sure," said Ukkyo hesitantly. She returned to the kitchen. "This was supposed to be a romantic meal with Ranma! Akane was supposed to watch him, not date him!" She grabbed a tray of okonomiyaki and brought it to the table. "Strange, this is an unusually large and heavy okonomiyaki..."

"Surprise!" shouted the girlish figure who leaped out of the okonomiyaki, spraying the toppings all over the restaurant. "My Ukkyo! I have you at last!"

Ukkyo dropped the tray, leaving Tsubasa hanging in midair for the split second before Ukkyo swung her spatula at him like a baseball bat, sending him flying out the front door. She turned to Ranma and Akane. "Sorry about that."

Ranma pulled a piece of squid out of his eye. "It’s okay," he said. "I should be used to it by now." He popped the piece of squid into his mouth. "Not bad," he decided. "You really are a good cook, Ukkyo."

"Thanks," said Ukkyo, blushing slightly.

"I bet you just love a girl who can cook," fumed Akane, glaring at the chef.

"I don’t see anything wrong with complementing a girl on her positive attributes," explained Ranma. "For example, I think you’re the best master of the Botsuzento martial arts style I’ve ever met."

The entire restaurant froze until Akane managed to break the spell by reaching across the table and grabbing Ranma by the collar. "All right!" she shouted. "Who are you, and what have you done with the real Ranma?"

"Is this the way you receive all compliments?" asked Ranma as he was viciously pummeled. "No wonder I never say nice things about you!"

Akane instantly released him and sat back down in her seat. "Sorry. I just never expected to hear you say anything nice about me."

"Why not?" asked Ranma. "You can be a really nice person at times. You just let your temper get way out of control." Ukkyo placed a restraining hand on Akane’s chest, but she pushed it away.

"Do you really mean that?" asked Akane, her heart fluttering at the thought that Ranma might actually be about to admit his feelings about her. "You really think I’m the greatest master of..."

"Botsuzento style," repeated Ranma. "It’s the group of techniques that involve releasing one’s pent-up anger in an extreme outburst of violence."

"I knew it!" shouted Akane, punching Ranma in the face. "It was another insult, wasn’t it?"

"No," said Ranma, slightly muffled by the mouthful of knuckles. "I never saw the punch coming."

"That certainly is a powerful technique," said Ukkyo, admiring Akane’s handiwork.

Akane sat down and thrust her hands into her lap. "I’m sorry, Ranma. I know you were just trying to be nice. I’m just so used to everything you say being an insult."

"A lot of that is my fault," admitted Ranma. "I did insult you a lot in the past."

Ukkyo sensed an impending revelation of true feelings and quickly pushed her way into the seat next to Ranma. She buried her face in her arms and began to cry softly.

"What’s wrong, Ucchan?" asked Ranma, running his hand slowly through her hair. He paused as he felt Akane’s sharp glare on him, but resumed his stroking momentarily. If Akane couldn’t accept his friendship with Ukkyo, he was better off without her.

"Lunch is ruined," sobbed Ukkyo. "Two days in a row I’ve tried to serve you my special okonomiyaki, and both times you haven’t even gotten to taste more than one piece of squid after I worked so hard on it!"

"It’s not your fault," Ranma assured her.

"Well," said Akane, slamming her hands on the table and standing up, "I’m sure the two of you want to be alone, so I’ll just leave... QUIETLY!" she screamed, throwing the empty okonomiyaki tray across the restaurant, where it embedded itself deeply into the wall and stuck there. By the time Ranma and Ukkyo returned their gazes to Akane, she had already departed.

"I didn’t know I would upset her that much," said Ukkyo.

"It’s her own jealousy driving her," noted Ranma. "I wish I could do something for her." He heard Ukkyo softly snap her fingers. "Ukkyo... did you just pretend to be hurt to get rid of Akane?"

"Well," considered Ukkyo, "I was rather hurt..." Ranma pushed his way past Ukkyo, knocking her to the floor in his haste to stand. "Wait, Ranchan! Where are you going!"

"I’m going to apologize to Akane for your actions. You should come too."

"But..." The memory of Akane’s Botsuzento skill lingered in Ukkyo’s mind. "I have to stay here and wait on the customers!"

Ranma sighed heavily. "Fine. Then I’ll try to calm her down myself, but you owe her an apology!"

"Yes, dear," sighed Ukkyo, attempting to retrieve the tray from the wall.

Ranma stepped out of Ucchan’s, looking both ways to see if Akane was still in sight. As he considered the possible places where she might have gone, Tsubasa plowed into him. Ranma snarled and kicked him in the face, sending him soaring through the Nerima sky. "Watch where you’re going next time!" she shouted. Gasping, she looked down and saw the scattered flowers and empty vase lying in a puddle of water. "Great, now I’m a girl again. Well, Akane might be more willing to listen to me when I’m a girl anyway."

As she set off toward the Tendo dojo, Kuno stepped out of a nearby alleyway. "Pigtailed girl, I would date with you!"

"Buy yourself a clue, Kuno!" shouted Ranma. "I’ll never date with you!"

"But this time you will," said Kuno, brandishing a teakettle full of hot water. "Or I’ll reveal your secret to everyone."

"You wouldn’t dare!" shouted Ranma, amazed that Kuno had finally figured out her secret.

"Then accept this date, and your secret will remain safe with me." He vanished into the alleyway, leaving behind a very flustered Ranma.

"Great, so now Kuno knows my secret, and he STILL wants to date me..." moaned Ranma softly. "How am I ever going to get out of this one?"