Ranma ½ -- A Deadly Choice

Chapter 1: Ryoga Finds his Happiness, but Ranma Finds Trouble

It was a typical day in the Tendo dojo. A little too typical, perhaps...

"Ryoga! Give them back before Akane finds out..."

"RANMA! YOU PERVERT!"

Kasumi sighed. Ranma and Akane were up to their typical morning antics. She glanced at the teakettle in her right hand, wondering how long it would take before it was snatched out of her hand. Hot water didn’t last long around Ranma and his friends. She moved quickly toward the dining room, hoping to serve breakfast before it became ammunition in the latest dispute.

Meanwhile, the arguing continued, becoming louder as the chase converged on the dining room. "I didn’t touch them! Ryoga has them!" shouted Ranma. Kasumi was relieved to hear the masculine voice. Her tea might survive all the way to the table today.

"Ryoga isn’t here!" Akane shouted back. "Only you and P-chan have been in my room today!" The tiny black pig darted across the room in front of Kasumi, nearly causing her to drop the frying pan of scrambled eggs. It appeared to have a strip of pink cloth in its mouth. As she stared after it, Ranma raced through the dining room, not even pausing as he grabbed the teakettle and continued his pursuit of P-chan. Akane was close behind, snatching the frying pan and sending the eggs flying through the air.

Soun Tendo smiled. "It’s nice to see them getting along so well, eh Genma?" He wiped the egg off of his face to read the sign in the hand of the large panda seated opposite him.

"IT’S CERTAINLY QUIETER THAN USUAL." Soun simply nodded wistfully.

Akane rounded the corner to find Ranma in the act of beating an empty teakettle over the head of a dripping Ryoga. She promptly swung the frying pan at Ranma’s face. "Hey!" shouted Ranma as he ducked the metal pan. "At least look at what Ryoga’s got in his mouth!"

"Hmm?" asked Ryoga through a mouthful of Akane’s underwear. He quickly grabbed the offending panties and attempted to hide them behind his back. Akane’s eyes narrowed. "I-I can explain, Akane," he stammered.

"I’d sure like to hear an explanation," replied Akane, tightening her grip on the frying pan.

"Well..." Ryoga began. "You see, I didn’t really take them from your room, because... I saw Happosai stealing them, and he tried to get away, but I got them back from him because I knew you’d be angry, and then I was going to take them back to your room without you noticing, but Ranma spotted me and chased me down."

"Oh, puh-lease!" said Ranma. "Don’t tell me you believe that nonsense!"

Akane paused to consider this. "I think you’re lying."

Ranma smirked. "You are so dead, Ryoga."

"Let me finish," continued Akane. "I think Ryoga made up that story in order to cover for Ranma."

"WHAT?!"

"That’s right," Ryoga said quickly. "Ranma bumped into me and handed me this pair of panties. I didn’t want to get him in trouble because I’m such a nice guy, but I’m afraid lying is difficult for me because I get so little practice."

"Right," said Ranma. "You just enjoy squealing at every opportunity."

"At least Ryoga’s not a pervert," noted Akane.

"He just doesn’t think you’re cute enough to be worth his attention," taunted Ranma. "And you’re too much of a tomboy." He quickly ducked Akane’s frying pan, causing it to hit Ryoga instead. "You also have lousy aim!"

"I’ll show you lousy!" shouted Akane, chasing after Ranma as he fled the scene.

Ryoga breathed a deep sigh of relief and wiped the sweat from his brow with the panties. Suddenly remembering the purpose of the intrusion, he quickly ran through the garden and leapt over the wall, heading away from the appointed meeting place. Soon, all of his dreams would be fulfilled...

*************************************************

Akane easily kept pace with Ranma as he led her up and down the streets of the Nerima district until a figure leaped from the rooftops and landed right in front of her. "You no hurt Ranma!" warned Shampoo, holding her bonbori out to the sides to form a barricade of sorts.

"Out of the way, Shampoo!" shouted Akane. "That pervert needs to be taught a lesson!"

"If you love Ranma, why you hurt him? Shampoo not understand."

"It’s his own fault! If he’d just mind his own business, I wouldn’t have to hurt him!"

"Why? What Ranma do that make you so angry?"

Akane blushed a deep red. "None of your business!" she shouted, charging at Shampoo with her frying pan in striking position. Shampoo yawned and brought her bonbori together in front of her, anchoring Akane’s head firmly between them. The frying pan clattered to the ground, out of Akane’s reach.

"Now, tell Shampoo why short-hair girl attack Ranma."

"He tried to steal my panties, okay?"

The mallets fell to Shampoo’s sides, releasing Akane. "Shampoo not understand this. What are panties?"

Akane quickly tripped Shampoo before she could react and grabbed the frying pan, swinging it at the Amazon’s head. Shampoo blocked with her bonbori and kicked Akane in the jaw, buying enough time to get to her feet. Akane wasn’t poised for an attack, however. She was searching for any signs of Ranma’s presence. The only male martial artist in view, however, was Ryoga.

"Excuse me," panted Ryoga, hiding one hand behind his back. "Which way is the Hen-Tie Theater?"

"The one that used to show adult movies all night long?"

"That sounds like the right place," replied Ryoga, removing his headband and casually tossing it over his shoulder. The headband sliced through a nearby telephone pole, which fell over and landed right on the head of Shampoo, stopping her in the act of trying to pound Akane senseless.

"It’s just down this road and to the left in thirteen blocks. You can’t miss it." She quickly reconsidered the statement. "Well, YOU could miss it, but nobody else could."

"Thank you," called Ryoga, turning down the wrong street entirely. Akane leaped over the downed pole and continued her pursuit of Ranma, heading toward the place where she would most likely be able to find him.

Woozily, Shampoo pushed the telephone pole aside and got to her feet. She reminded herself to give Akane the Kiss of Death when next they met. Fortunately, her instructions had been only to stall Akane for a while, which she had done remarkably well. Hopefully her great-grandmother’s plan had succeeded...

*************************************************

Ranma stumbled into Ucchan’s in the early afternoon and sat in a booth, his head in his hands. Ukkyo set a plate of okonomiyaki on the table as she sat down across from him. "Where have you been?" she asked.

"What time is it?" asked Ranma, not looking up.

"You’re over an hour late. What kept you?"

"I don’t know," replied Ranma. "I was running away from Akane on one of her rampages again, and the next thing I know, I’m outside Shampoo’s restaurant."

"You went to Cat Café?" Ukkyo fumed. "You promised you’d have lunch with me today!"

"Hey!" shouted Ranma defensively. "I was on my way over here well before noon, like I promised, when everything just kind of jumped and I was standing outside Cat Café. I didn’t GO there, I just sort of – WAS there."

Ukkyo crossed her arms. "You expect me to believe that? Do you have any idea how crazy that story sounds?"

"Then what would you be willing to believe? That I would purposefully go pay a visit to that grabby cat-girl and her insane great-grandmother instead of coming here like I promised?"

"No, but... speaking of Cologne..." She snapped her fingers. "That’s it! That crazy old lady probably did something to your memory! That would explain why you can’t remember anything and why you were outside the Cat Café."

Ranma’s heart leaped into his throat. "You think Cologne has discovered a way to erase my memories?"

"Worse than that, she could have done anything to you in the period she blacked out." Ranma made a sick face. Ukkyo glared at him. "I was referring to your brain. If she can alter your memory, she could stick all sorts of ideas into your head." Ukkyo leaned across the table and grabbed Ranma’s arms. "Ranma honey, look deep into my eyes. Tell me: Who do you love?"

Ranma broke into a cold sweat. "I... well... you see..."

"That’s enough," decided Ukkyo, releasing him. "If Cologne had brainwashed you, you would have said Shampoo without hesitation." She paused to consider this. "That old bat is definitely up to something... I just have to figure out what it is. Meanwhile, I want you to stay away from her and Shampoo, and don’t go anywhere near that restaurant of theirs!"

"It’s not like it was my choice," muttered Ranma. He stared guiltily at the okonomiyaki, wishing he had the appetite to eat some of it. The thought of Cologne trying to manipulate him, however, left him little desire to eat.

As if to add to Ranma’s troubles, Akane entered the restaurant at that moment with an angry glint in her eye. "Ranma, what are you doing here?"

"He promised he’d have lunch with me today," explained Ukkyo in Ranma’s defense.

Akane pointed to the untouched okonomiyaki. "How long does it take to eat lunch? He’s been gone for hours now!"

"He only just got here!" insisted Ukkyo.

Akane touched the crust of Ranma’s lunch and scowled. "Well, it’s still warm... you might be telling the truth."

"And what if we’re not?" asked Ranma, causing Ukkyo to nearly leap out of her seat in surprise. Ranma wasn’t usually one to take the offensive in a situation like this. "I think I’m perfectly within my rights to visit Ukkyo anytime I want without having to be interrogated like a common criminal."

Akane suddenly became very tense. "In case you’ve forgotten, Ranma, I’M your fiancée! And I think I’m within my rights to know when you’re spending way too much time with a girl who wants you to marry her instead!"

"Well, I’ve noticed you getting awfully friendly toward Ryoga lately," returned Ranma. "Does that mean you’re planning to break up with me to marry him?" Before Akane could reply, Ranma continued. "Ukkyo and I are friends, just like you and Ryoga. If you want me to stay away from Ukkyo, then stay away from P-chan."

"Leave P-chan out of this!" shouted Akane. "P-chan has nothing to do with Ryoga!" She paused. "Come to think of it, I haven’t seen P-chan since we saw Ryoga earlier this morning..."

"See?" asked Ranma triumphantly. "You seem to care more about that pig than you do about me. Why don’t you just marry Ryog- I mean, P-chan?"

"Why you!" Akane raised her fist to smack Ranma in the head. Ukkyo immediately drew her battle spatula to defend him. Ranma, however, didn’t move a muscle.

"Go ahead, hit me," he said. "You try to beat me up all the time. If you really loved me, wouldn’t you treat me with a little more courtesy? I’m beginning to think that maybe you don’t love me at all."

Akane and Ukkyo had frozen in a tableau of impending violence. They slowly turned to stare at each other uncomprehendingly. Ranma stood up and walked between them, turning back as he left the restaurant to call out, "Maybe you should decide how you really feel before the next time you decide to start a fight!"

Ukkyo scratched her chin. "Hmmm... he’s acting very strangely today. He’s actually making sense. Normally when he fights with you, he’s too busy insulting you to come up with a cogent argument."

"I don’t think he made any sense at all," said Akane, crossing her arms.

"Then why are you so angry?" asked Ukkyo sweetly.

"I AM NOT ANGRY!" shouted Akane furiously, her face growing to hideous proportions.

Ukkyo quickly smacked her in the face with the giant spatula. "Calm down, Akane! My point is, Cologne has done something to Ranma, and we need to figure out what it is before he starts drooling over Shampoo again. If we don’t work together in this, those Amazons will get the upper hand."

Akane glared at Ukkyo. "I don’t really like the idea of teaming up with you over Ranma, but if that’s what it takes to keep him away from Cologne, I guess I have no choice." She extended her hand, and the chef shook it.

"Great. Now, here’s my plan. I’ll make sure he comes to my restaurant every day for lunch. That will bait the trap. Meanwhile, you have to keep your eye on Ranma at all times, especially around midday. When Cologne tries to get to Ranma, lay low and find out exactly what she’s doing to him. Don’t let her know that we’re on to her scheme, or she’ll try something even more subtle. Understand?"

Akane nodded. "I’ll do my best." She quickly left the restaurant.

Ukkyo rubbed her hands together gleefully. "This has got to be my best plan yet! If Akane keeps shadowing Ranma, he’ll have to get annoyed sooner or later. And he’ll spend lunchtime with me every day, at Akane’s own urging! He’ll have no choice but to fall out of love with Akane and into love with me!"

*************************************************

Ryoga stared up at the signs on the buildings. He didn’t even recognize the language they were written in. "Where in the world am I?" he asked. He pulled a book out of his pocket and opened it, hoping to find some advice that would help him.

"The most important thing to have in life is a sense of direction. Direction is not an external idea but a state of mind, a state of purpose. When you know your true purpose, you will have found your sense of direction."

Ryoga stared at the pair of panties in his hand. His purpose set squarely in his mind, he immediately set off toward the Nerima District of Tokyo, Japan. This time, he knew he would find what he was looking for.

*************************************************

"Oh, Ranma my darling!" shouted a familiar voice as Ranma passed through the open-air market of downtown Nerima. He turned just in time to receive Kodachi Kuno’s huge bear hug.

Ranma immediately set to work extracting his arms to push Kodachi away. "Kodachi, stop it! Don’t you think this is a little forward?"

"Until you have seen the light and chosen me as your bride, I have no choice but to be forward."

Ranma finally freed one of his arms from the vice-like grip and began to push Kodachi away – gently at first, then with more force. "Kodachi, I can’t be seen like this right now! Akane’s on the warpath and Cologne’s got something up her sleeve. The last thing I need is more complications with you!"

"Then you reject my sister outright?" called the ever-poetic voice of Kodachi’s brother Tatewaki. "I am ashamed to admit that I even know your name, Ranma Saotome. You are certainly no gentleman."

"I’M no gentleman?" asked Ranma, leaning back to avoid Kodachi’s attempt at a kiss. "Who beats up every girl he wants to go out with?"

"Ranma Saotome, you disgust me! You are an evil sorcerer who enslaves every woman he meets, causing them all to fall madly in love with you, yet feels nothing toward them in return." Tatewaki drew his bokken and approached the entangled couple. "It is my duty as a man of honor to duel with you. My victory shall stand as a testament that your lecherous ways must end!"

"Stuff it, Kuno!" shouted Ranma, as he felt Kodachi’s soft lips brush his cheek. "I’ve got bigger problems to deal with right now! If Akane sees us like this..."

"Too late, Ranma!" Akane stood right behind Tatewaki, arms akimbo. "Don’t even think about trying to convince me that Cologne had anything to do with this!"

"The only thing I’m thinking about is escaping!" groaned Ranma as he finally freed himself from the embrace with a mighty kick.

Kodachi sat up and stared at Ranma’s retreating back with a huge sole print on her face. "Ranma, my darling, come back! I must sample your sweet lips again!"

Tatewaki raised his bokken above his head. "You shall pay for dishonoring my sister, Ranma Saotome!"

Akane stood and watched as the Kunos chased after Ranma, then shrugged and walked in the other direction. "Serves him right for thinking he can just put his hands all over every woman he meets."

A hand holding a pitcher of water caught Ranma’s eye as he ran through the marketplace. He quickly ducked into the alley and stopped to catch his breath. "Hello, Nabiki," he said without looking up. "How much?"

Nabiki glanced out of the alley to see who was chasing Ranma. "Both Kunos? This could qualify as an emergency situation. That means you get my special emergency rate."

Ranma fumbled for his wallet. "So, hurry up and tell me! How much?"

"Only ten thousand yen."

Ranma’s jaw dropped. "Ten thousand yen?! That’s even more than you usually charge me!"

Nabiki shrugged. "Like I said, special emergency rate."

"Forget it," said Ranma. "There’s plenty of cold water in the marketplace." He turned and ran toward the mouth of the alley. Nabiki whistled her favorite commercial jingle while she waited. Within seconds, Ranma was back, thrusting a pile of bills into her hand. "Okay, quick! Splash me already!"

"I thought you’d never ask," murmured Nabiki, upending the pitcher over Ranma’s head. "Well, actually, I knew you were going to ask. I just didn’t know when."

"Very funny," said Ranma, brushing the water out of her hair as the Kunos rounded the corner. They immediately began to search the alley for signs of their quarry.

"Did you see a boy with a black pigtail pass this way?" asked Kodachi. She stopped abruptly upon spying Ranma and glared angrily. Ranma glared back, inviting a fight.

Nabiki stepped between the two women and pointed to the roof of a nearby building. "I saw him climb onto that building. He must be jumping across the rooftops."

Kodachi tossed her hair. "I’ll return to deal with you later, harridan!" She athletically leaped onto the indicated roof. "Ranma, I’m coming! I’m coming for you!"

Tatewaki sheathed his bokken. "It is my honor-sworn duty to crush Ranma Saotome like the roach that he has shown himself to be. However, I will forsake that duty for the time being. Pig-tailed girl, I wish to date with you."

Ranma groaned. Suddenly, she was struck with inspiration. ‘Ten thousand yen? I’ll make you earn it, Nabiki...’ She threw her arms around Nabiki. "Sorry, Kuno, but men just don’t interest me. Isn’t that right, Nabiki dear?" As Nabiki tried to pull away, Ranma leaned close to her ear. "If you don’t play along, I’ll show you a whole new kind of pain."

Nabiki felt a hand gripping her left breast and swallowed hard. "You WILL pay me back someday, Ranma," she whispered back, then smiled broadly at Kuno. "That’s right. She’s always making passes at me. And she hasn’t looked at a man in years."

Kuno was not satisfied. In fact, his face was red with rage as his fingers dug gouges into the handle of his bokken. "This is obviously the work of that foul sorcerer Ranma Saotome! He has obviously jaded your affections for any other man by corrupting your tender emotions. But fear not, fair red-haired goddess! I, Tatewaki Kuno, will force this spellcaster to remove his curse." In a flash, he was on the rooftops following his sister on the supposed trail of the male Ranma.

Nabiki sighed deeply. It felt strange in a way that she couldn’t put her finger on, as if someone was... "Ranma, get your hand off my breast."

Ranma quickly released Nabiki and backed away. "I’d say we’re even now. It was worth all those times you overcharged me just to see the look on your face." She grinned evilly. "Actually, I never really considered you to be cute before, but having been this close..."

"Don’t even think about it, Ranma," warned Nabiki. "You come near me again as a girl and I’ll rip off what little chest you have. And come near me as a guy only if you want your male anatomy to closely parallel the female one. Understand, pervert?"

Ranma promptly made herself scarce.

*************************************************

Ryoga stared up into the sky above Tokyo and shook his hands at it in fury. "Why? Why can I never find what I’m looking for, even with this book leading me?" He stared at the pair of pink panties still clenched tightly in his fist, dripping with his sweat. "It’s not too much to ask, is it? But here I stand, wherever this is!"

He felt many eyes on him and looked around uneasily. Every man and woman on the street had turned to stare at him, and even the people driving past had stopped to watch.

"What are you all staring at? You haven’t had to carry a pair of panties halfway around the world and back just to keep your end of a bargain!" He turned and ran down the first street he came to, not watching where he was going until he tripped over a small man. He looked back and quickly wiped the tears from his eyes. "It’s you!" Happosai nodded.

Ryoga handed the panties over to Happosai. "There you go, as promised." Happosai lovingly rubbed the soft fabric against his cheek, cackling gleefully all the while. "Well? I delivered what you wanted. Now it’s time for you to keep your end of the deal."

Happosai gestured quickly and the panties disappeared to some hidden location about his person. Ryoga tried unsuccessfully not to wonder where exactly they had gone. The old man beckoned Ryoga to lean closer and began to whisper into his ear. Ryoga’s smile grew wider as he listened. By the time Happosai had finished, they were both cackling.